‘I remember crying walking into school’: having anxiety as a child

A record 204,526 children a year are being referred to NHS mental health services in England for anxiety, according to a Guardian investigation. Here two young people who suffered from anxiety as children describe their experiences.

Paddy

I first remember suffering from anxiety when I was 13. However, there were signs of anxiety from when I was younger.

At primary school I remember crying walking into school. Much of my anxiety was around getting into trouble and feeling like I had done something wrong. This made me anxious at school.

I also had lots of health anxiety for myself and my family and friends. Growing up, and still now, I have a surge of anxiety when the phone rings, worrying that it may be the doctors saying [someone in my] my family is dying.

I remember getting anxious that my mum might crash on the way home from working late.

I knew I needed help when I was 13. My anxiety around doing the right thing developed into anxiety about harming people.

I was anxious about spreading germs and dirt. I had a panic attack when I dropped some food on the floor, worrying someone would have an allergic reaction. This kept me awake for days.

My mum was really worried about me and knew a private counsellor. I am extremely lucky I was able to see a counsellor so quickly as I was hitting crisis point. It is no exaggeration to say I’m not sure I would be here if it wasn’t for my counsellor.

Reaching out for support was incredibly daunting. I was anxious and remember dreading my first session. As a 13-year-old boy, it was difficult to acknowledge I needed support and it made me feel like I was different and weird.

I used to play a lot of rugby in many environments that didn’t really talk about mental health or anxiety, so I didn’t really have any role models who spoke openly about mental health.

In the long run, reaching out for mental health support was the best decision of my life. The session allowed me to process what is going on and gave me strategies to deal with anxious events.

Covid was incredibly tough, and I felt incredibly low at points. However, my counsellor helped me dig myself out of that hole. Recently, I have also taken the step to take medication.

Like seeking help the first time, this was daunting as I felt like I had failed at counselling and was letting people down. However, I am so glad I took that step.

If you are struggling, please reach out to someone. There are people out there who really care for you. If you aren’t struggling, reach out to your friends and family, as you never know what someone is going through

In society we have a huge issue with young people’s mental health. It is so important the government recognises this and does something about it.

Chloe

I was about nine years old when I first started exhibiting signs of generalised anxiety and panic disorder.

I used to have panic attacks in situations that were daunting to me, but as there was little understanding of mental health in young people, it was mistaken as a physical health issue that I underwent various tests for.

My anxiety wasn’t formally diagnosed until I went to the GP for a separate issue and my brother brought up my self-harming. I then got referred to child and adolescent mental health services (Camhs), which was supplemented with counselling through my school and medication.

Having always been branded as a “worrier”, I never knew my symptoms were that of a mental illness, particularly the panic attacks, which both myself and health professionals mistook as being a physical health issue.

Had my self-harming not been noticed, I believe it would have taken a lot more time in order for my mental health issues to be recognised. Not even I knew I struggled with them.

It had always been seen as a natural part of me while growing up, as there was a lack of belief that someone as young as me could suffer as much as I did.

Getting support at an early age was paramount in enabling me to handle mainstream schooling, although I think if it had been recognised sooner, it could have been more effective in reducing my symptoms long term.

Paddy and Chloe now work as volunteers for the charity YoungMinds. They hope sharing their stories with the Guardian will encourage other young people to find the courage to talk about their own mental health.

• In the UK, the charity Mind is available on 0300 123 3393 and Childline on 0800 1111. In the US, call or text Mental Health America at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. In Australia, support is available at Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, Lifeline on 13 11 14, and at MensLine on 1300 789 978