How we met: ‘I had already dated her sister. Her parents must have thought: “Oh, he’s after another daughter now!”’

As a student in the early 1970s, Chris was enjoying life at Auckland University. “I was studying history and classics, and dating a girl called Plonie,” he says. Their romance fizzled, but they decided to stay friends. “We didn’t see each other that often, but she started going out with one of my best friends, Brian, so we were still in touch.”

In 1976, Brian married Plonie, and they had a housewarming party to celebrate moving in together. By then, Chris was a postgraduate student, studying for a master’s in Roman and Greek history. At the party he spotted Joke, Plonie’s younger sister. Although he had seen her before, they had never properly spoken.

“We were sitting on the floor and we started talking,” he says. “I don’t think we stopped all night. I just remember going home and thinking what an interesting person she was.”

Joke, who is from the Netherlands but settled in New Zealand at the age of 10, was immediately taken by Chris. “There had been a few children at the party and I liked the way he was playing with them. I thought he seemed kind and caring.” When they chatted, she told him about the aromatherapy course she was taking and her ambition to work with aromatherapy in care homes. “He really listened to me,” she says.

A week later, Chris took the bus across town to visit Joke at her family home. “I saw her parents and they must have thought: ‘Oh, this guy’s back – he’s after another daughter now!’” he says, laughing.

But Joke was impressed that he had made the journey and they agreed to meet to see a film a few days later. “I’d promised my little brother I’d take him, so Chris ended up coming along with us,” she says. “But we had a great time together.” They soon began seeing each other regularly, meeting up for dinner or cinema dates. Despite his history with Plonie, there was no awkwardness between Joke and her sister. “She’d long moved on and was really happy for us,” she says.

Callout

Shortly after they met, Joke started a nursing course in Hamilton, about 120km south of Auckland. “We organised to meet up every week – either he’d take the bus to me or I’d take the two-hour trip to Auckland,” she says.

In January 1978, they got married in Auckland at the university chapel, and Joke got pregnant soon after. “I wasn’t even halfway through my nursing course, but once I got pregnant I left, as I didn’t think I could manage both.” The couple now have five children. Chris became a teacher after they married, and they moved to Waiheke Island, a rural part of New Zealand, to bring up their family. “There were only 3,000 people living there,” says Chris. Joke was a stay-at-home mum when the children were young, and later worked in IT, accounts and marketing.

They lived on Waiheke Island for 20 years, before deciding they wanted a change in 2002. “By then, our eldest was 18, so we decided to move to London,” says Chris. “I remember stepping off the train at Oxford Circus and realising there were more people on one street than on the whole of Waiheke Island.” Despite the culture shock, they loved it. Joke found work with a charity and Chris taught history at a school in Romford. “The first term was challenging because it was so different, but the kids I worked with were great, and we loved the history and culture of the city.”

After three years, they moved back to New Zealand and settled in Taumarunui. Now both retired, when they can, they visit their children and six grandchildren, who are based in Australia, New Zealand and Wales. They also meet regularly with Plonie, Brian and their family.

In 2021, Joke fell ill with stomach and oesophageal cancer. “While I was in hospital, Chris came to see me every day. We’re just naturally there for each other,” she says. While she was recovering from surgery, Chris was diagnosed with prostate cancer. “It was very unlucky,” he says. “My treatment was a doddle in comparison to what Joke went through, but she’s all good now and we’re both in remission.”

He describes her as a “legend” and a wonderful person. “She’s so loving and kind – she’s the best wife in the world.” Joke appreciates Chris’s positivity and cheerfulness. “The best thing about our marriage is that we’re best friends. That’s really important – you’ve got to have that friendship as well as attraction.”