Hoda Kotb reveals the dating misstep she was making, and how she learned to fix it

Hoda Kotb has revealed her misstep while dating and how she ultimately learned to fix it.

The 60-year-old TV host opened up about reentering the dating scene – after ending her engagement to longtime partner Joel Schiffman in 2022 – during an appearance on The Jamie Kern Lima Show , which aired on August 20. Speaking to Jamie Kern Lima, Kotb shared that after going on a few dates with someone she isn’t seeing any more, she realized the kind of person she’s been in past relationships.

“I did go on the third date, but I did kind of decide in that space, because this person, who is a lovely human being, has a lot of things that are being worked out. I’m looking for more simplicity,” she said. “I was very much a fixer in life.”

However, according to the Today host, she discovered she doesn’t want to keep following her gut feeling of needing to help someone right away.

“And then sometimes you’re like, ‘You know what? Let’s just pause that instinct.’ Because that is my instinct,’” she explained. “I’ll help. I’ll make it better, what do you need?”

After noting that her romance with this unnamed person was “beautifully tabled” for now, she confirmed that she isn’t seeing anyone new yet. However, she still keeps some vital dating advice in mind, which she learned from friend and journalist Maria Shriver.

“It was funny because Maria was saying to me, ‘What do you have room for today?’” she explained. “Are you seeking in this moment?”

In response to that question, Kotb said she was interested in what she called the “addition process” when dating.

“Someone who’s adding [to my life] and not subtracting,” she added. “In this moment, I just want addition. I feel like when I map my days out and see what free time I really have it’s so limited that you want to make sure that when you have it, you’re spending it with someone who is in the addition business of your life.”

This isn’t the first time Kotb has opened up about dating again. On The Drew Barrymore Show in May, she explained some of the things she’s learned about herself when going on dates.

“For me, I feel like I have a lot of buckets that I want someone to fill, like, an emotional bucket is fun, a spiritual bucket,” she said. “There’s so many buckets in life, and I think, sometimes, if you think about your person, I think I realize in my life that there’s more that I want. I think before I was a pleaser if he was happy, I was happy.”

After confessing that she “wasn’t [herself]” in past relationships , she said she’s not letting that happen to her again. With that in mind, she doesn’t take issue with letting someone know if they’re not compatible.

“I’ve gotten to a point where if the date’s not formulating, and it’s OK, I’ll say, ‘Oh my god this was so much fun, you’re a really nice guy.’ I don’t mind being myself and being confident, and knowing what I want,” she said. “I’m not twisting myself in a pretzel to make everybody feel good all the time. Because I’ve done that for most of my life, and it was exhausting.”

In January 2022, Kotb and Schiffman first revealed they were ending their relationship, after eight years of dating . The former couple share two daughters, Hailey Joy, seven, and Hope Catherine, five.

“We decided that we’re better as friends and parents than we are as an engaged couple,” she told Jenny Bush Hager at the time. “So we decided that we are going to start this new year and begin it kind of on our new path as loving parents to our adorable, delightful children, and as friends.”

During another part of her appearance on The Jamie Kern Lima Show , which aired on August 13, Kotb went on to detail why her long-term romance ultimately ended. Despite the breakup, she also acknowledged that she and her ex have continued to be on good terms.

“Joel is one of the best people I know. He really is a great human being, and I feel like I’m a great human being. But sometimes two great human beings together isn’t enough to make it work,” she said. “I think when people are growing at different paces, it’s hard to be in sync. And I think a lot of people are probably in these situations.”