Voices: We need to talk about Cole Emhoff’s ‘goofy dad’ Doug and non-toxic father-son relationships

On Tuesday night at the Democratic National Convention, Cole Emhoff introduced the world to his father Doug Emhoff, the second gentleman of the United States. Specifically, he introduced him as “my goofy dad.”

In a short video, Cole — who has stayed relatively clear of the spotlight during his stepmother’s presidential campaign so far — spoke over a selection of pictures and clips of the second gentleman. As he did so, he explained how his father had worked in McDonald’s during high school; couldn’t cook until Harris showed him how; and tentatively embraced the life of public service.

Speaking about Harris’ ascension to vice president in 2021, Cole said: “It felt like Doug was a bit out of place on Capitol Hill. I thought, ‘What is my goofy dad doing here?’ But he embraced it ... I was so proud to watch him do it, to stand by her side, an example of true partnership."

Non-toxic father-son relationships, regrettably, don’t get much major airtime these days. Memes about blunt and thus ironically hilarious interactions with dads do well on the internet because there is an underlying assumption that father figures are meant to be strong, practical, and generally dialed-back with their emotions.

Clips of Emhoff looking uncomfortable in the Rotunda, making silly faces, blasting Donald Trump with dad-joke quips, and even performing some questionable dance moves in his DNC speech practice feel like the antidote to that.

Despite poking light-hearted fun at his father, Cole’s video introduction on Tuesday night was so powerful because of the blatant pride it demonstrated. It was refreshing to see that one of the world’s most famous dads is, unashamedly, a total goofball.

My dad is not married to the vice president and, as far as I know, has never been to Capitol Hill.

My dad is a 66-year-old software developer from the north east of England. After retiring, he spent his free time creating a phone app that helps people reverse their camper vans and trailers – it’s called Reverse My Trailer.

This is, objectively, fairly goofy and super lame. But because my dad did it, I think it’s the coolest thing in the world. He later took it to the UK Caravan Convention (yes, really) where he gave tutorials and demonstrations. He showed us pictures later of all the people who had loved the app. He was so proud of his dorky little passion project, and so were we.

The relationship I have with my dad has given me a good foundation for others in my life, be it with friends or partners. It’s more than a little sad that, for some people, the idea of fathers and sons expressing love for each other in a wholesome way is alien or odd. Surely these days the world needs a few more non-toxic men to promote a form of masculinity that is sensitive, loving — and no less manly for being so.

If you met my dad, you might think him friendly, but a little shy initially. Get to know him better and you’ll discover that he plays in a band, loves board games, drives a moped, and has a pilots’ license. Such things might historically have been seen as weird, goofy or even embarrassing, but so-called embarrassing dads are all the rage right now. Just look at Tim Walz.

Walz’s infectious excitement, eye-rolling jokes and overt love for his children have already earned him the moniker of “America’s dad.” Videos of the Minnesota governor pushing political campaigns and visiting state fairs with his daughter Hope have picked up millions of views and likes on social media. His takedown of Donald Trump as “weird,” which has become one of the Democrats’ major lines of attack on the former president, has also resonated because of how dismissively dad-like it is.

Not that Trump isn’t proud of his children. In fact, he regularly compliments them on how attractive they are (though he also says similar things about himself.) He has described his youngest son Barron, who has remained absent from most campaign events, as a “good boy” and “smart” and “so tall.” And few of us need reminding about the immortal line : “If Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”

It’s not exactly as wholesome as Tim Walz holding a piglet, or Doug Emhoff dancing to You Get What You Give by New Radicals.

I am very fortunate that I am able to share such a positive relationship with my dad, and am fully aware that others sadly aren’t quite as lucky. But it is high time we accepted and celebrated the fact that father’s can, and frankly should, share non-toxic relationships with their sons – it’s better for everyone if they do.