For KC Mothers in Charge founder Rosilyn Temple, losing her son was like “an out-of-body experience.”
Temple’s son, Antonio “PeeWee” Thompson, was fatally shot in 2011 , on the night before Thanksgiving. His death was especially lonely and confusing without a clear avenue for support in the days that followed, she said.
Years later, Temple accompanies Kansas City police to the site of every homicide reported to provide immediate support to families experiencing their own losses. But for the loved ones of homicide victims, Temple feels, help shouldn’t end at the funeral.
“You’re not there,” Temple said. “You can remember everything, but you need somebody to be there to help you walk the process.”
Wednesday was the 17th annual National Day of Remembrance for Homicide Victims, which victim support nonprofit KC Mothers in Charge marked by bringing together grieving residents with other Kansas City groups devoted to their healing.
Thousands of Kansas City residents have lost parents, children and loved ones to homicide. Among them are the about 50 residents who gathered in the auditorium at 3200 Wayne Ave. Wednesday, quietly trading stories of their lost loved ones in between speakers.
“Kansas City is not a bad city,” Temple said at Wednesday’s event. “But we know we’re dealing with a lot of different things in our community. Mental health, trauma… generational curses.”
KC Mothers in Charge hosted Wednesday’s event in collaboration with nonprofits AdHoc Group Against Crime, Corey’s Network and Children of Homicide Victims KC, as well as with the Kansas City Police Department. Organizers hoped to help attendees get connected with grief support groups and other resources.
“[Homicide] is not a ‘them problem’,” said Toni Vaughn, the director of intervention and prevention services for AdHoc Group against Crime. “It’s an all of us problem. Anything that’s happening in our community is impacting each and every one.”
Before joining the AdHoc team, Vaughn was on the receiving end of the organization’s services after losing her brother to gun violence in 2011, she said. Thirteen years later, the group is trying to ensure families have a safe place to land while they navigate grief after homicide.
“I’ve been impacted by it, you’ve been impacted by it,” Vaughn said, addressing the assembled residents. “You are not alone. We are in this fight together.”
Several attendees came Wednesday in honor of one of the 118 Kansas City residents who have been killed since the start of 2024, including family and friends of Chestina Gaskin , Xavier Townsend-Keith and Deshaun McKinzy .
Though many touched by homicide in Kansas City have come to lean on each other, everyone’s grief is unique, Temple said.
“I don’t know how my grandson grieved after losing my son,” Temple said. “I had to fix me at the time, as a mom.”
Michelle “Shelley” Norris, the co-founder of Corey’s Network, encouraged residents to seek help whether they are in the immediate aftermath of a homicide or several years down the line.
Norris lost her 22-year-old son Corey Laykovitch in 2013, when he was fatally stabbed while walking home from a QuikTrip in Independence.
“I still cry,” Norris said. “’I’m still trying to move forward. But we have to keep in mind that it is us that have to be responsible for teaching our children how to deal with the worst day of your life and still be part of our society, still love and still give.”
Though their needs may change over time, Norris encouraged attendees to keep looking for new types of outreach — and to avoid putting too much pressure on old routines.
“We don’t believe in closure,” Norris said. “You move on from your ex-boyfriend. You don’t move on from your kid.”
Children of Homicide Victims KC founder Sunnie Carney encouraged attendees to seek out separate resources for their children, who may be labeled “at-risk” or struggle in school while processing grief. Many young people are misdiagnosed with learning and attention disorders after the loss of a loved one, she said.
“We always want to ensure that we are building these children, who are the most vulnerable and forgotten pieces of the key to restoring peace in our city… to become resilient,” Carney said.
Carney’s father, Vernon Ray Carney, was fatally shot inside his car on Jan. 31, 2012, four days after his 38th birthday — and two days before his daughter’s 16th birthday.
“There is no competition in grief,” Carney said. “...We need teamwork. We need community. We need to be together.”
Those who haven’t lost a loved one can struggle to know how to help, Temple said. However, Temple encouraged attendees to clearly communicate their needs rather than pulling back.
“When people say, ‘I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what to say to you,’ well, I need your help,” Temple said. “So come and support me.”
Wednesday’s even concluded with a prayer vigil a nearby parking lot. Bearing memorial shirts, framed photos and crumpled tissues, the mourners took turns calling out the names of their loved ones in a circle, looking one another in the eye.
“We can’t bring them back this life,” Temple said. “But we can remember them.”
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