Opinion: What to do about humans?

As I browse my inbox following the latest reports on the horse race for the presidency, the latest news intrudes,  which makes it clear that this bit of political theater is essentially meaningless, since we’re all doomed anyway.

The Washington Post reports that “scientists” and “experts” at the World Wildlife Fund have noted the “catastrophic” decline of wildlife, specifically 5,495 species of vertebrate wildlife, since 1970.  73%, on average, have apparently disappeared, especially in Latin America, where 95% are gone. (Happily, Europe and North America have done better, only eliminating about a third.  But that is because these areas had already wiped out most of their vertebrate wildlife by 1970.)

We should be very worried, because, according to the WWF’s “chief scientist”, these 5,495 animals with backbones underpin such things as “stable climate, abundant and clean water, healthy soils to grow food, (and) productive fisheries that supply people with protein.”  I would like to sit down and chat in detail with the aforementioned “chief scientist” to discover how these critters deliver a stable climate and lots of clean water.  The part about fisheries and protein is obvious enough, but that ultimately makes the situation worse by feeding humans who are, it is clear, the basic problem.

Not all vertebrates are innocent victims, however.  Much of the loss of these 5,495 critters is due to the proliferation of three other vertebrates: cows, pigs, and sheep. Humans persist in clearing land to grow food on the hoof, which doesn’t do much for stable climate or abundant water but sure does taste good.

Since the long-ago days of Thomas Malthus, there has been a certain strain of “scientists” and “experts” who have relentlessly pointed out humans as a scourge on an otherwise Edenic planet.  Just think how those 5,495 vertebrates would have been thriving were it not for humans (also vertebrates, I might add).  I know from other “scientists” and “experts” that untold thousands of other, non-vertebrate species, have also been “decimated” (a word consistently misused.  To “decimate” something is to kill ten percent of it, a usage going back to the ancient Romans).

There are now over eight billion of us two-legged vertebrates wandering around.  Back in Malthus’ day, only about a billion were screwing up the planet, and he was very worried indeed that soon we’d all starve because we were having too many surviving babies.  What would he think today!

What is to be done?  First, we could all become vegans.  By eliminating the middle man, as it were — the aforementioned cows, sheep, and pigs are all vegans, and it takes about six  pounds of vegetable matter to grow one pound of lamb chops — we could return 80% of farmland back to jungles or other pristine environments.

Regrettably the problem with humans goes beyond diet.  We like living space.  Bonnie and I live on a one acre lot instead of being environmentally responsible and living in a small apartment somewhere, where you can squeeze hundreds of people into a high-rise, just like the Bolsheviks used to do in the Soviet Union.  Worse, we have a car and drive places, burning hydrocarbons along the way (at least we don’t have a gas stove).  Even worse, if that be possible, we have a habit of traveling overseas.  Just think what  that flying around does to those struggling 5,495!

I fear we are unreformable.  It is up to the “scientists” and “experts” to take control lest ultimate doom overtake us.  Happily, our governments at all levels are well along the path to forcing us into responsibility.  (You know who is threatening to put a monkey wrench into their plans, but the powers that be will see to it that doesn’t happen).  But once we all have to drive electric cars, once hydrocarbons are eliminated, once our diets are adjusted, there are still too many of us.

Happily more and more people are convinced the true problem is babies, because babies grow up to be ravenous adults.  Birth rates are falling, and fast, as marriage rates plummet, abortion is celebrated,  and non-heterosexual relationships become ever more common.  Fear not, 5,495 vertebrates - your day will come again.

— Charles Milliken is a professor emeritus after 22 years of teaching economics and related subjects at Siena Heights University. He can be reached at milliken.charles@gmail.com .

This article originally appeared on The Monroe News: Opinion: What to do about humans?