Trump Unveils Despicable New Charlottesville Defense

Donald Trump inexplicably claimed Friday that in “Charlottesville—nothing was done wrong,” referring to his claim that there were “very fine people on both sides” of the Unite the Right rally in 2021.

During a winding, weaving, and overall incoherent speech delivered at the Trump National Golf Course in Los Angeles, Trump was yet again complaining about the presidential debate against Vice President Kamala Harris when he made a massive slip-up.

The former president specifically, and at length, criticized debate moderator David Muir, who he called a “foolish fool.” Muir’s fact-checking of Trump’s lies had sent conservatives howling, and Trump too.

“I think he corrected me 11 times,” Trump whined . “Of the 11 times, I don’t think he had the right to correct me at all—didn’t correct her once.”

“Like on Project 2025, I have no idea about—it had nothing to do with me. He didn’t correct her, he knew that,” Trump muttered.

“Charlottesville—nothing was done wrong,” Trump said. “All you had to do was read my statement one more sentence, and you would have seen that.”

It seems here that Trump’s scattered speaking has incidentally invented a new defense for his “ very fine people ” quote, which Harris trotted out against him during the debate on Tuesday. Now, if his words are anything to go by (they’re not), we can all rest assured knowing that nothing bad happened at all.

It has been disputed whether “very fine people” was specifically referring to neo-Nazis or other rallygoers attending the event organized by neo-Nazis … who were … just … on the same side … as the neo-Nazis. Well, I feel much better, thank goodness we cleared that up.

In his attempt to clean up a quote he claims was misconstrued, Trump invented a new quote that is just as easily misconstrued. Is it possible that, for clarity’s sake, he could just stop speaking?