The Strawberry Letter: He Repeated Everything I Said About Her

Dear Steve and Shirley,

I'm a single mother to a seven-year-old boy, so I'm working two jobs to keep him in private school. His father is in and out of rehab, so my son barely knows him. My son has a great relationship with his daddy's mother, who we call Granny. We love Granny, and she's my biggest supporter. My own mom and Granny like to babysit. I'm only 28, so Granny tells me to drop my son off with her so I can enjoy my 20s.

Granny loves music, reality TV shows, and playing her numbers. She lives in the worst neighborhood in the city, but nobody messes with Granny because she once shot at her neighbor. Granny's house is always messy, and when my son was old enough to realize it, he started asking questions like, "Why does Granny have trash all around the trash can?" and "Why does Granny have spots on her floors?" He was always excited to go see her because her house was so different from his. One day, he told me that he liked our house better because it smells good and his granny's doesn't.

I never paid much attention to how I responded to him, and I never realized I was shading Granny. I was so hurt to find out he was telling Granny everything I said about her. He told Granny to keep his backpack zipped up because his mom doesn't want him bringing bugs home with him. He told Granny that I told him to eat the snacks I pack for him and to smell everything else before he eats it. He told her that he can't lie on the floor or use her blankets. There was a lot of other stuff that he repeated, and I feel so bad for putting Granny down when Granny's the only person that helps me. Granny is not even mad, and that makes it worse.

How do I make it up to Granny? And why is parenting so hard?