The Strawberry Letter: I Put My Money on the Other Dude

Dear Steve and Shirley,

My husband is usually a lot of fun, but he always goes overboard with his jokes when he's had too much to drink. We’re both 38 years old and have been married for years. I have a group of friends who have adopted my husband and love him, but they can only take him in small doses because of his sense of humor. He finds flaws in people and makes jokes about them.

Last week, my husband insulted my friend Thad, and Thad got up in my husband's face. My husband was still laughing, but Thad was so serious that I had to pull my husband to the side. Thad's wife said that Thad's veins were popping out on his forehead, which meant he was ready to fight. My husband got angry at me for separating them, saying I made it a big deal. He claimed it was just two fellas joking around and then started yelling at me in front of everyone.

I told him I should have let Thad whip his behind because we’re all tired of his messed-up personality. I told him that he doesn’t do well in social situations, and that’s why he doesn’t have his own friends. I even told him I’d put all my money on the other dude if they got into a fight. Something came over me—I never meant to embarrass him like that, but I felt better afterward.

The ride home that night was brutal. He had sobered up, and he was so hurt by what I said. He told me that he doesn't know how we can move past this after I embarrassed him like that. Our life as we know it has changed forever. He said he’ll never go around my friends again since he’s so offensive. My big mouth messed up my marriage, and he hasn't talked to me in 10 days. How can we move past this?