The next thing is always waiting to happen

In his book, “The Four Loves,” author C.S. Lewis wrote: “There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, air-less—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

Phew. C.S. Lewis could definitely lay it out there for us when it comes to the honest truths about love, loss and all that lies in between. What I think about this idea of love, is it applied in realms outside of romantic love? To love anything means to risk losing it, or losing some part of ourselves along the way.

For me, I loved athletics and my teammates as deeply as some people love their best friends. Every time I underperformed or we lost a game, it was a form of minor heartache. Luckily, though, there was usually the  “next” game or training session to make up for it. If we lost a game, then we would talk about it for a little bit at practice the next day, and then it was time to focus on the next game. The moments of heartache that were hard to recover from were the ones when there was not a “next.”

I still remember walking off the soccer field at Fike High after we lost in the NCHSAA playoffs and I really grieved that moment because there would be no “next” for me with that team. (And dang it, we were good and should have been state champions!) To handle the end of high school soccer, I really threw myself into training for my freshman year at Duke after that. When it came to face that same heartache four years later in a Duke jersey, I still had a “next” — it was time to go all in preparing for the NWSL draft. Then that ended. There were no more “nexts,” at least not in my athletic career. So, what could I do?

Honestly, I think I am still looking for that answer. I have found that (for me), training for different events is a good way to find something to have next, and I’ve also come to really appreciate trying to be the best I can be at my job. But, I’m also coming to terms with the fact that jumping from one point of focus to the next isn’t always the best way to deal with heartache that comes from loss — loss of love, loss of games, loss of ourselves. Maybe instead, it really is more important to truly immerse ourselves in what we have at that time and know that heartache and possible heartbreak is just part of the gamble — but isn’t it worth it? Would I trade in those hours of training and the decision to dedicate so much of my life to a sport that ended way sooner than I imagined? Absolutely not.

In life, things are never quite as simple as athletic wins and losses were, at least not to me. But, I still think there is value in reflecting on how we handled heartache on a smaller scale, and perhaps there are lessons to transfer into life off the field. Maybe the greatest lesson to learn is that whatever is worth working for is never going to be easy to lose — and sometimes, we just have to go for it anyway. Then, we must know that even when we do not know what is “next,” at some point, next will come.

As far as how this bit of wisdom applies to writing — well, this is column 100! Each week, I wait for something to strike me to write about next. So far, wisdom has come from someone or some place each time. Even in the small things, “next” finds us when we are ready for it.

E.J. Proctor Story, a 2014 graduate of Fike High, was the starting goalkeeper for Duke’s 2015 NCAA runner–up year, 2016 Elite 8 finish and 2017 Final Four finish. Currently the Duke record holder for shutouts and goals against average, she went on to play one season professionally with the Utah Royals FC after graduating from Duke. Now back in Wilson, E.J. is assisting with coaching youth soccer players and is employed as the Lead Physical Therapist for Wilson County Schools.

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