"She can clean up hers," says the husband who refuses to clean wife's dishes, causing an uproar
10 hours ago
Disclosure: State of Alabama-based writer. This article is a work from cited sources for informational purposes and is used with permission. No affiliate links are included.
In a recent Reddit post by user Obvious-Swordfish-64, a husband opened up about a domestic dispute with his wife regarding their division of labor in the kitchen. The couple have long shared a cooking routine where each partner cooks twice a week, leaving leftover nights or takeout for the remaining days.
It’s not the cooking that has sparked tension—it’s the cleanup. The couple may not live in Alabama; however, there may be a couple within the state who can relate to a situation similar to the OP.
The husband explains their past arrangement: "We used to have the person that didn’t cook do the dishes after the meals. I clean as I cook, so when it is my night, there are very few dishes for her to clean up. When she cooks, I swear she uses almost every single dish or pot for her meals. It is a disaster in the kitchen and takes me a long time to clean the whole thing up."
This kitchen imbalance has been a source of frustration for the OP, who prefers simpler meals like stir fry and cleans as he goes. Meanwhile, his wife, who loves making elaborate meals, doesn’t clean during the process, leaving behind what he describes as a “huge mess.”
After having multiple conversations with his wife, asking her to clean as she cooks, he decided enough was enough. On Thursday, October 10, 2024, the husband brought up the issue again, telling his wife he would no longer clean up after her cooking. He recalls, "I told her I will clean up my dinners and she can clean up hers." The breaking point came over the weekend when she made a large meal and left the kitchen in disarray. Despite his clear boundary, she expected him to clean up, leading to a heated argument the following morning when there wasn’t much space for her to make breakfast.
The husband turned to Reddit for advice, saying, "She thinks I am mean, and I now need an outside opinion."
Community Weighs In
Several Reddit users chimed in, sharing their thoughts on the situation. User Kaynico sided with the husband, writing, "It isn’t that her meals are more elaborate; it's that she isn’t cleaning anything as she goes so it all piles up. The division of labor isn’t anywhere near even."
Another user, OK_Homework_7621, suggested a different approach: "I prefer the 'you cook, you clean' to 'one cooks, the other cleans' precisely because you make a mess for yourself only, so if somebody cleans as they cook, they are done faster."
NWiseWords offered personal experience, saying, "We implemented this to keep the peace. I make simpler meals and also like having the kitchen space neat and tidy while I cook, so I clean as I go. My husband just starts to cook with whatever space he has, makes very elaborate meals, and it looks like the fridge exploded onto our counters when he’s finished."
The post has sparked further discussion on the best way to balance chores within a relationship, particularly when it comes to shared responsibilities like cooking and cleaning. While some advocate for splitting tasks, others believe a “you cook, you clean” approach creates more fairness.
How do you divide household chores with your partner?
Share Your Thoughts Below, Alabama
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I generally cook and my husband cleans. Although on occasion my husband will make breakfast or lunch. I tend to be a "messy" cook, using several utensils and pots and pans. But I started to feel guilty after looking at the kitchen, so now I clear and clean counter space, wash some of the prepping bowls, etc.and neatly stack everything else for my husband to clean. I've learned to be a little neater...thank goodness that I don't cook everyday, but I do make a mess during the holidays 😄
Verla Cotton
4h ago
sounds to me like she's leaving you disastrous mess on purpose I wouldn't clean up either after she's doing all that you don't need to use every pot and pan in the house she needs to be more respectful not a messy one
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