Tell Giselle: Make it your life

I have been asked quite a number of times what it takes to achieve one’s goals. Here’s a portion of what I tell to aspiring professionals and parents who are looking for the “right” or “best” influences to become who they want to be and get where they want to go:

G: When I made the decision in my early twenties that I wanted to move from the East Coast and find a way to live in Colorado, my father’s poetic response was, “Giselle, you can’t eat the trees.” I knew he didn’t want me to move that far away from him but I also knew from his choice of words he was raising the concern of what work was out there to support my adventures. He had created with my mother a successful pizzeria so I was used to the topic of food. No doubt he wanted to counter any fantasmagorical mindset, or the “winging it” without a viable plan, that plagues many a young heart. Rather than seeing a lack of food, all I could feel was a hunger for the mountainous West.

My father knew me well enough to know he would never be able to fully rein me in, at least not tightly — as I was more like him, in important ways, than his other children. He knew he had to leave home in order to grow into himself. It’s how he ended up stationed in northern Africa right after high school — serving four years in the Army Air Corps during World War II – maturing instead of shrinking from dwelling on homesickness.

When he made the decision at around 30 to support his family by creating J&S Pizzeria on Long Island, it was with a similar respect for duty, sense of responsibility and steel will that would negate any temptation to reconsider. I am certain his experiences in the military and the self-esteem that develops from any such intense discipline were what helped prepare him for the most challenging times and bucked him up as he built the business from scratch. I think it is because he recognized in me, long before that tree discussion, his own independent disposition that he was able to support my dreams instead of trying to deter me or quash my spirit with smothering fatherly concern.

At the time of that conversation about moving far from family roots in New York, I only knew I was compelled to live in Colorado. It was an irresistible force that I could not fully explain any more than I could comprehend the source of my urge to write. What I could not see were the tough tradeoffs involved in sustaining my drive for personal growth. Like the forest for the trees, I could only see one tree at a time but very often I was reminded I was in a dark, dense woods replete with tests of my courage and strength. I would think of my father and knew that his sustained effort at working hard everyday was itself the success, and just having the ambition to succeed was only the start of success.

Growing up I observed his strength of character that came from being able to focus on a goal, and sustain it day in and day out, despite the monotony. Though he held several jobs before he became a pizza master, it was his ambition to be his own boss that helped infuse my aspirations for making a life that was mine. By his example I learned to cultivate my curiosity with patience and forgiveness for my mistakes. These are what kept me focused on the end goal of wholeness, and not on the distractions or fears that sometimes came unannounced.

He also taught me by his 20-minute afternoon naps that rest, even if it is short, is crucial. When you get tired of the work or dismayed by the surprising struggles and seemingly insurmountable setbacks, seek rest and quiet. When stretching up and outward toward your destiny do not expect there to be a cure-all or a built-in parachute. It is up to you to make a resilient bounce whenever you fall hard. Rolling with each tumble keeps you moving.

Keep your eye open to seeking kindred spirits and embrace them with a sense of humor. They too are as driven to reach their potential as you are, and as eager for company.

Email Giselle with your question at [email protected] or send mail: Giselle Massi, P.O. Box 991, Evergreen, CO 80437. For more info and to read previous columns, go to www.gisellemassi.com .