Tell Giselle: Ghosting Part 2

Some feedback from the column I wrote about the upside to ghosting has presented me with an opportunity to expand the discussion to business and politics.

“When it comes to ongoing work relationships, what say you about people who go silent, particularly where you cannot get through to them that there is unfinished business to deal with?”

G: This reminds me of another story of unfinished business. A young man was fully unclothed while on the toilet. He had a habit of keeping the bathroom door open. One of his roommates happened to pass by and was taken aback by the unexpected site. That was a moment for him of “Naked without warning.” Even more to the point, too much information.

Ghosting is the opposite in that there is often not enough information for the suddenly “Silent without warning.”

When it comes to being ghosted by professionals, I am inclined to consider the action unprofessional. In my playbook there is no reason, other than concern for one’s safety, to think it is acceptable in any work relationship for there to be that kind of radio silence.

Understandably, there are valid reasons why one may find it too difficult, or maybe even embarrassing, to express directly with another person that there are issues between them. Those factors — that might include retaliation, shyness, insecurity or social anxiety — should not inhibit one from doing the right thing.

Making an effort to be polite or civil is most often the optimal behavior. This means it is proper to convey clearly why this relationship or even partnership must change or even come to an end. That may entail having a letter drawn up by a lawyer to that effect.

Keeping with doing right by others, this concerns a friendship dilemma some readers may be dealing with now:

“I recently learned a close friend of mine attended a rally for a politician I abhor (withholding name). Should I continue to speak to them?”

G: Before you cut off all communication, I suggest you reach out with the intention of seeking to understand what is behind this situation.

What I would want to find out is if this is a new interest. How long-standing the support for this person is may influence your opinion.

Other things to consider: Why the interest or support? Was attendance at the rally out of curiosity? Or to be a heckler? Or to network? Or to get material for a story, article, op-ed or even a book idea. I know that may be a stretch, but you get the idea: Things aren’t always what they seem. You might not have all of the information that is relevant to an important decision. When you are presented with disturbing or surprising information, try to withhold harsh judgment while you take time to seek out more details.

Have you had someone cut you off while driving on the highway? Have you thought they were being reckless? Perhaps they were, but they just as easily may have been avoiding a damaging pothole or debris that you had not noticed, or had you in their blind spot and made an unintentional driving mistake.

You get the idea.

Better to initially cut someone at least a bit of slack, and leave some time and room for nuance to emerge, before you drop the anvil on them with a shattering response or accusation.

But, should you discover after some further digging that they are in a camp that you are uncomfortable with, and are affiliating with misguided or “low-information” folks, that’s a different story. We are to an important degree a reflection of the company, and associations, we keep.

You have every right to create distance or fully step away from your affiliation with them. But try to do it kindly, if that is a possibility. You do not have to get into the weeds with some elaborate explanation of why you want to move on from the relationship. But if you give them an opportunity to say their peace, or give them time to process what you are sharing about your feelings and position, you may live more peacefully with whatever decision you take.

Email Giselle with your question at [email protected] or send mail: Giselle Massi, P.O. Box 991, Evergreen, CO 80437. For more info and to read previous columns, go to www.gisellemassi.com.