From grief to giving back: A widow's story of survival after husband's suicide

Six years ago, Washington County native Amanda Rae Button’s life turned upside down.

In an instant, she lost her soulmate and became a single mother to a 2-month-old.

Amanda Rae Button

Her husband Chris took his life in 2018.

“His mental health won.”

Chris suffered from PTSD stemming from his time in law enforcement. Amanda Rae, who is an army veteran and former EMT and 911 dispatcher, knew mental health warning signs well.

Watch: From grief to giving back: A widow's story of survival after husband's suicide

From grief to giving back: A widow's story of survival after husband's suicide

“But I never recognized what was going on with him, and it’s something I’ve struggled with,” she explained. “Hindsight is 20/20, so looking back there were a lot of things I did miss and that he hid well.”

Amanda Rae Button

The grief and stress of early motherhood took a toll on Amanda Rae. She developed debilitating PTSD, and severe anxiety and depression, and had to quit working.

“I am now disabled because of it," she revealed.

Her husband’s death was book-ended by two other tragedies — a stillborn son in 2008 and her best friend’s suicide, who was also her husband's work partner, in 2022.

Her mental health spiraled so low that she contemplated taking her own life too.

Amanda Rae Button

"There have been three times specifically where it almost happened,” she noted. “And by the grace of God, I am still here.”

Amanda Rae said she’s sharing her story with others too, teaming up with various nonprofits which has allowed her to speak nationally.

The slogan she lives by is “ UnButton the Stigma ,” a play-on-words for her family’s name, with the main goal of addressing taboo topics related to suicide.

She’ll have another opportunity to do that as the keynote speaker for Sheboygan’s 19th annual “There is Hope” Suicide Awareness Walk on Sept. 14.

Mental Health America Lakeshore

The event brings hundreds of people together and promises to inspire meaningful conversations about suicide and the healing process.

"It doesn't matter how we got here. The fact is we're here, so it's what we do with this that's going to really show that we're survivors," Amanda Rae said. “If I save one person, then I’ve done what I’ve set out to do.”

When I sat down with her in her living room, pictures of Chris and their daughter Kennedy lined the walls, but another photo stood out — Amanda Rae with her now-fiance Travis.

Amanda Rae Button

“I never thought I would get lucky in love twice and I really did,” she smiled.

Amanda Rae said Travis has been the best support she could’ve asked for. He’s taken in Kennedy like his own and embraces Chris’s presence in their lives.

Amanda Rae’s battle with mental health is a work in progress, a roller coaster on a daily basis, but she knows she has to beat it for Kennedy, who’s now 6.

"Her dad had a very empathetic heart no matter who he came across, and she has completely taken that on.”

Amanda Rae Button

Amanda Rae Button

They’ll play together and love each other through the tough times, hoping to inspire others along the way.

The “There is Hope” Walk is scheduled from 9:30 a.m. to noon on Saturday, Sept. 14 at Deland Park.

All funds raised support Mental Health America Lakeshore’s programming.

Registration information can be found at mhalakeshore.networkforgood.com

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