"It's not necessarily the way I envisioned it," the Only Murders in the Building star says as she opens up about her inability to carry her own children in a new interview.

Selena Gomez no longer has that same old love.

In the 32-year-old's cover interview with Vanity Fair , she opened up about her relationship with music producer Benny Blanco .

"I've never been loved this way," Gomez told the publication. "He's just been a light. A complete light in my life. He's my best friend. I love telling him everything."

The pair are known to be candid about their relationship in the public eye, sharing selfies and tidbits about their love , with Blanco even revealing to Howard Stern his hopes to marry the Only Murders in the Building star.

Having a Family

While engagement rumors stirred online, the singer hinted to the magazine that marriage isn't something she would necessarily rush into after seeing her parents split at a young age.

She has always envisioned having a family though, but admits it won't be the way she had always thought -- revealing to the outlet that she won't be carrying her own children.

"I haven't ever said this," she began, "but I unfortunately can't carry my own children. I have a lot of medical issues that would put my life and the baby's in jeopardy. That was something I had to grieve for a while."

Gomez was diagnosed with lupus in 2013. She underwent chemotherapy to treat the chronic autoimmune illness and, in 2017, her close friend Francia Raisa donated her kidney to the singer.

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"It's not necessarily the way I envisioned it," she said of having a family one day. "I thought it would happen the way it happens for everyone. [But] I'm in a much better place with that. I find it a blessing that there are wonderful people willing to do surrogacy or adoption, which are both huge possibilities for me. It made me really thankful for the other outlets for people who are dying to be moms. I'm one of those people. I'm excited for what that journey will look like, but it'll look a little different. At the end of the day, I don't care. It'll be mine. It'll be my baby."

Adoption has always been an option for Gomez since her mother, Mandy Teefey, was adopted.

"I probably wouldn't be here [if it weren't for her mother being adopted]. I don't know what her life would've been like. She and I are very thankful for how life played out," she said.

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Relationship With Taylor Swift and Music

While she is now dating a music producer -- and one she has worked with before, as Blanco worked on the 2015 hit "Same Old Love" and her 2019 track "I Can’t Get Enough" -- going back to music isn't the first thing on Gomez's mind.

"I don't know if I'm ready, you know?" she said. "It's a vulnerable space. Acting has always been my first love. Music is just a hobby that went out of control. Now it is a part of who I am, so I don't think I'm going anywhere. I’m just not ready yet."

However, when and if she does decide to go back, she will always have her bestie Taylor Swift to support her.

"She is really like a big sister to me," Gomez said of the pop icon who she has been friends for over 15 years. While Swift does give Gomez advice on the industry, she said they mainly just chat like many other best friends do about reality television -- adding that she is currently binging Bravo's The Valley.

Read the full interview at Vanity Fair.

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