Setting boundaries can be a challenging step for some people because they often mistake it for being rude, unsympathetic, or self-centered or because of their fear of people’s reaction to them voicing their boundaries. These beliefs often go back to the environment one grew up in, mainly family.
One's first introduction to the concept of boundaries is in their household. If the family practiced and encouraged setting boundaries in all aspects of life including emotional, physical, or financial, one would have picked up the correct notion of boundaries. They may even have applied it further in their life. However, if one's boundaries were constantly walked over, then one would have to confront the reality that they have to reconstruct their notion of boundaries to be a healthier one.
Your Needs Equally Matter
People who face trouble setting boundaries often put others' needs before theirs because they deem them as more important or more urgent. However, this behavior builds an uneven dynamic in which one is always trying to meet others’ needs but completely ignores theirs. Sooner or later, you will burn out from constantly being on the giving end of the relationship. Eventually, it will set the relationship ablaze. Healthy relationships require balance; both parties have their needs met and can find a middle ground to meet if they feel it is unbalanced. Your needs matter just the same as the other person’s, and if you don't teach people to respect that, they might never learn it.
You Deserve To Be Seen And Heard
The relationships that lack boundaries all share one thing: one person is walking over the other for various reasons that can be intentional or not. You should learn how to express yourself without feeling that your bond with the other party is threatened. Some people minimize their thoughts, feelings, and existence fully just to allow the other party to bask in the spotlight they personally shine upon them.
If you can't express yourself candidly, the other party might unintentionally cross your red lines repeatedly. This pattern builds resentment that inevitably makes the relationship toxic, and eventually destroys it. Communicate your boundaries openly. If they do not respect it, then, you're simply not compatible and it is a healthier choice to let go of them.
Practice Self-Validation
People who find it difficult to set boundaries mostly feel, at an unconscious level sometimes, that they have less value compared to the other party. This can be the result of multiple reasons, and seeking professional help to unpack it can improve one’s wellness greatly. Practicing self-validation will help you acknowledge that your feelings, needs, thoughts, and reactions are all important to voice and worthy of respect. You will not be holding back yourself to make everyone around you comfortable. You will not trade your comfort for theirs.
You are as important as everyone else, and it might be hard to follow this mantra at first. But as time goes by, you will find that expressing yourself and your needs will only attract the right, healthy, and mature people to your life. Your circle will be loving, caring, and respectful towards you and your boundaries, which builds an environment that leaves you the space to improve and flourish in all other aspects of life and become the best version of yourself.
Do Things For Yourself
Your daily life must not revolve only around tasks that are, directly or indirectly, serving other people's purposes. Your family, friends, and work are all important elements in your life, but they must not be consuming your whole time. You need to develop hobbies or activities in which you only tend to yourself. This personal time will allow you to connect and be more attuned to yourself. It will help you regard yourself in a positive light, value yourself and your time more, and unsubscribe from the belief system that the things you do are only important if they are pleasing to others around you.
Final Thoughts
Setting boundaries is a revolutionary step in one's life, and it is the first of many steps toward achieving peace of mind and overall wellness. This outcome makes the path towards it worth the discomfort one would experience at first due to stepping out of one's comfort zone and being more confrontational. People might withdraw from your life after you start practicing the art of boundaries, and it can become lonely. However, you must remember that no one is worth being in your life if they have continued disrespecting your boundaries even after you communicated with them. You, too, are worthy of the love, care, and respect you give out.
Disclaimer: This article is intended simply to provide information. It does not replace the medical advice of a physician. Please speak with your doctor if you have any questions or concerns.
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