Forming an authentic friend group during childhood isn’t the easiest thing for any kid. But it can be especially difficult for children who are seen as different by everybody else. Cliques, which begin forming as early as second grade, while not inherently good or bad, are still painful for those who are rejected from them.
What’s more, it’s painful for parents to witness their own child, whom they adore for their uniqueness, not be appreciated in the same way. And it can be challenging to know just what to do to help.
One mom was dealing with this very dilemma, and with no one in her own life to turn to for answers, she sought the advice of folks on the r/Parenting subreddit . And boy, did they have some sage wisdom to share.
“My daughter is starting third grade and she told me the other day she was nervous to start school because she’s the weird kid, she doesn’t have any friends, and she doesn’t know why no one likes her,” the woman explained. “She said the other kids tell her they don’t want to play with her. It breaks my mama heart and I don’t know what to do.”
The mom, who admitted to being “socially awkward” and anxious around new people herself, tried to encourage her daughter to be herself and take initiative by asking the other kids to be her friend. But now, with that advice clearly not working, and with no other ideas, she was at a loss.
“It breaks my mama heart and I don’t know what to do.,” she wrote.
My daughter is the weird kid…
by u/katren08 in Parenting
Luckily, the Reddit community rallied around this heartbroken mamma. For starters, many shared their own similar experiences, letting the woman know she was certainly not alone in her plight.
“Hi! Mom with no friends with a lonely little boy with no friends, here! Just wanted to say my heart hurts with you,” one person wrote, adding, “Are there any hobbies she likes? What about club or after school programs where she would be able to meet others she might click with?”
Quite a few had similar suggestions.
One person said, “I would recommend finding an extracurricular activity that she's interested in. Bonus points if it's not affiliated with school. I was one of the weird kids in school, but I found similarly weird kids at gymnastics, art clubs, camps, etc.”
Another parents echoed, “my daughter was the weird kid. She started making some friends in middle school once she started the gifted program but really hit it off with kids after joining the robotics club. Those kids became her core group throughout middle and high school. She's a college student now and still on the quirky side but she has a solid group of friends, puts herself out there more, and is no longer awkward and uncomfortable around people. Some people just need a little more help in the early stages.”
Honestly, you're weird if you DON'T wanna play with robots. Photo credit: Canva
A few for “weird” kids even shared how they formed their friend group through extracurricular activities.
“I was the weird kid in school, but I was in the band, played several card games, did soccer for several years, read tons of books, through these activities I met lots of friends,” one person shared, At some point she’ll also figure out that everyone is weird, even the ‘cool’ kids.”
Another person countered that perhaps activities aren’t the solution, saying, “My advice is to go hard on her self-worth, weird or not. There is no right or wrong way to exist in this world…It’s teaching themselves to love themselves and not devalue themselves based on societal norms.”
Still another reminded the mom that this phase, however uncomfortable, is natural and temporary.
“I think around 2nd/3rd they kinda go from the little kid thing where they just play with peers who are physically present and don't think about it, to being conscious of having to relate on a deeper level…So some of this is just that transition and is fairly common. Theres a lot of social shuffling that goes on from 1st grade to 6th,” they wrote.
Lastly, the mom was encouraged that being the “weird” kid is often a hidden blessing, especially later in life
“I LOVE the weird kids,”wrote one person. “They’re the kids who stand out because they don’t just go with the flow. They’re generally not the followers. She might not be the leader today but later in life she’ll stand out, too, and with your guidance through the next 5 years she can get there confidently embracing her weird.”
So for all weird kids out there young and old, as well as the parents who love them— don’t despair. There are places and people who are more than willing to welcome your uniqueness. It might take a little trial and error to find it, but the tribe is out there.
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