Screw your 'to-do list,' psychologist suggests 'to-don't' lists can be just as helpful

There are never enough hours in the day to get everything done. Even if there were, who’d have enough energy to do it? Most people spend their days caring for their family and trying to earn a living and by the end of the day, there isn’t enough time to spend on themselves.

On top of that, if you’re living in most of the developed world, hustle culture also suggests you have a hobby that you’re trying to turn into a career. There’s also the pressure to spend a few hours a week volunteering at your kid's school while having a regular workout routine and ensuring you drink 64 ounces of water before lunchtime.

It can all be ridiculous. That’s why therapists suggest that in addition to writing to-do lists every morning, we should write “to don’t” lists to ensure that we aren’t wasting our time and energy on things that don’t matter.

Dr. Amantha Imber, an organizational psychologist, recently told ABC News that the cult of hyper-productivity can be “flawed.”

"It leads to feelings of guilt, exhaustion and burnout, because, essentially, time is finite. Yet, we're always adding more things to our to-do list in the hope that it will get us ahead," Dr. Imber says. "The purpose of a to-don't list is to reflect on habits you want to break or things you want to do differently.”

A man writing a list. via Ivan Samkov/Pexels

How to write a to-don't list

Dr. Imber suggests that we examine the tasks we can stop doing and put them on our to-don’t list. Examples include overcommitting to social engagements, needing to do chores while working from home, or packing your kid an elaborate lunch in the morning when what they’re serving in the school cafeteria is fine.

The key is to be realistic about the amount of time and energy that you have.

It’s also essential to think about the daily habits that prevent you from getting everything done, such as scrolling through TikTok, going to a coffee shop instead of brewing it at home, taking unnecessary meetings and responding to emails that aren’t a top priority. "It's hip to focus on getting things done, but it's only possible once we remove the constant static and distraction. If you have trouble deciding what to do, just focus on not doing," Tim Ferriss, author of “The 4-Hour Work Week,” said, according to Mindjournals.

If the average person removed one social media app from their phone, they could probably develop a life-changing meditation habit.

A woman writing a list. via Thirdman/Pexels

How to write a successful list

The key to success with your to-don’t list is to write it down. A study by Dr. Gail Matthews, a psychology professor at Dominican University in California, found that you are 42% more likely to achieve your goals if you write them down. That works even if your goal is not to do something.

Here’s an example of a to-don’t list:

1. No social media until lunchtime

2. Get my kid velcro shoes (no tying, no knots)

3. Don’t respond to memes sent by friends until after work

4. Worry about the news when you are done with work

5. No playing games on the phone

6. Say no to meetings that could be emails

7. Make coffee at home instead of going to the drive-thru

8. Go out to lunch with the co-worker who is an energy vampire

9. Don't worry about the kid being late to soccer practice

10. Don't to everything

11. Plan a dinner that needs to be marinated during the day

The cool thing is that once you commit to a to-don’t list, you will quickly begin to notice all the things you would love to eliminate from your day so you can make more room for the things that make you happy.