Men mistaking basic politeness or friendliness for flirting is a common source of frustration for women. Just ask any waitress or bartender! But it's also extremely common (and way funnier) when guys are just completely oblivious to crystal-clear come-ons.
There's some science behind the male inability to take a basic hint. Research shows that men's brains may have to work twice as hard as women's to interpret facial expressions. And surprisingly, men are worse at reading emotions in women than in other men. There are also key aspects of the way men are socialized that lead to us being worse at nonverbal communication in many cases.
Add it all up, and it can be tough for men and women to get on the same page at times — especially when it comes to romance.
A recent Reddit thread highlighted the problem in a hilarious way.: "What's the biggest hint you received but [were] totally clueless about?"
There were stunning levels of obliviousness on display in the
comments , not to mention a deep and hilarious sense of regret permeating the entire discussion.
Photo by Ayo Ogunseinde on Unsplash
Here are some of the best responses. "Girl in college grabbed my arm and told me to come to her room. I said I had some reading to do." - Shto_Delat
"Helped a girl move into her new place and assemble the bed. “We should test it out,” Me, bouncing up and down on it: “seems fine” Sorry, Caroline." - Underwritingking
"Freshman year of college I was talking to this girl who lived like an hour and a half drive away. One weekend I drove down by her to go to concert afterwards we hung out in her apartment until like 2:30 in the morning when she tells me her roommate is out of town so I can spend the night. My response “I’m good to drive” and then I drove home." - profJesusfish
Some of the stories had happy endings.
"A girl and I had fooled around in my dorm room. She decided to spend the night. I got up to sleep in my chair because I was unsure if I should stay in my bed with her. She yelled at me. 19 years and two kids later I think she likes me. But...she IS canadian". - wdh662
But, for the most part, these poor dudes never did get a second chance.
"Walking her home after a party we were talking and laughing and I made a joke about snoring and she got serious and said "you want to come find out if I snore" and I made another dumb dismissive joke like "what? No way!" Somehow ended up alone in my room that night kicking myself. I really liked her too. Never got a second chance." - DaBigadeeBolla
"Spent all night chatting with a girl at a house party in my teens. We ended up crashing in the same room.She asked me "do you want to share the bed?" It was a single bed, I said "nah, I'll take the floor" - Loki_lulamen
Some guys chalked the whiffs up to a lack of confidence.
"In high school, a girl greeted me with a kiss on the lips every morning, several days in a row. The idea that she could be interested was so unimaginable to me that it only clicked like 10 years later. Yeah, building my self-confidence has required civil engineering-level work." - Hoaxymore
Others had no rational explanation.
"Had a coworker call me at 2:30 in the morning with a flirtatious "Heeeey, were you asleep?" I said yes, and hung up because I had to be up in a few hours for work." - Shodspartan
The undisputed winning story of the thread came from a guy who blew his chance not once, but twice, in brutally painful fashion.
This guy probably needed to do a little self-reflection after this one. Photo by Zachary Ferguson on Unsplash
The story begins after a party in high school once everyone else had left:
I asked her if she needed help cleaning. She told me she was getting a bit tired and she could do with a massage. I said “Oh ok, I’ll let you rest. Talk to you tomorrow”…. And left.
The following week, she was kind of upset with me. It took me 7 years to understand what it all meant. Some time later, 3 years later we met up again (school reunion), talked to her and confirmed what had happened.
… wait, it gets worse.
At the end of our reunion she told me “you know, it is never too late to fix mistakes”. I smiled, said “yeah, if I had a Time Machine, right?” before getting in my car, driving off to home, parked the car, opened the door and fucking got the fact that I blew up another chance. - rodrigoelp
People in the comments were mortified for the guy, who may never live this one down.
It's good that stories like this exist.
They may be playfully painful memories for the people involved, but the new model in dating, hook ups, and relationships is crystal clear about this:
Enthusiastic consent!
There's no room for gray area and assumptions.
It might be humiliating immediately after the fact, but guys who are missing seemingly-obvious hints are doing at least one thing right.
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