In a classic case of “no good deed goes unpunished,” a woman recently shared a story about how her attempts to offer a simple name pronunciation correction turned into being accused of “ruining” a young girl ’s life.
It all started out as a pleasant, civil conversation. The woman, from the UK, started talking to an American woman and her daughter after the girl took an interest in her colorful leather jacket.
But as soon as the little girl revealed her name, things took a turn.
"The mother mentioned that her daughter's name was 'Grain' so I assumed for a while that she was another mother who wanted something 'special' to call her child. I remarked that it was a unique name and that I'd never met anyone called Grain before," the woman shared in her Reddit post .
The mom then explained how ‘Grain’ was named after her Irish great-grandmother…which set off “alarm bells” for the UK woman since the child’s name is likely spelled Gráinne and pronounced “Gro-nyuh, or thereabouts.” Certainly not like the plant.
Trying her best to be "tactful,” the woman said and “Irish has such an interesting alphabet. How is her name spelled? Irish names can be tricky.” But sure enough, the name is spelled G-r-á-i-n-n-e.
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At this point, the woman’s partner, who has studied just about everything about Irish culture and history, “stuck somewhere between stifling a laugh and dying of embarrassment” on the mom’s behalf.
Still the woman made every attempt to remain polite, and even offer "an old-school name and a more modern pronunciation. I think that's a great way to pick names” as a compliment. But this only caused the mom to ask “what do you mean,” forcing the UK woman to say it plainly: “in Ireland, they typically pronounce it like 'Gro-nyuh.' "
This was when the mom’s “face went red,” and she began lambasting the woman for correcting the pronunciation in front of her daughter “because now she's going to grow up knowing that her name is wrong and feel bad about it.”
The UK tried to steer things in another direction by apologizing and reiterating “that it's a lovely name in both ways and a fantastic nod to her heritage." But the mom wasn’t having it.
"She told me that I 'ruined her daughter's self-esteem' and that her 'life [was] ruined' by me saying that 'her existence is wrong,' " the woman wrote. "I didn't say that, by the way. I said that her name was pronounced atypically.”
Still, the woman wondered if she had, in fact, been in the wrong, writing, “Hindsight says I should have kept my mouth shut and waited for somebody else in this city to say something.”
Down in the comments, people were quick to reassure this woman that she had done nothing wrong.
"It's better for the kid to learn the correct pronunciation now rather than face it later with potential bullying," one person argued. "The mom needs to take some responsibility here!"
Another said this woman actually did the mom a favor, writing, “She can either spell or pronounce it differently or even change it. She’s in an awkward position now, but at least she can do something before school. She should have thanked you.”
One person of Irish heritage pointed out that "pronouncing Gráinne as Grain is the equivalent of calling the child Sarah but spelling it as Stella."
The Irish language is well known for having spellings and pronunciations that seem bewildering to non-speakers. Just ask Saoirse Ronan or Barry Keoghan. So it’s understandable that this mom attributed the pronunciation she’s more familiar with to her daughter’s name. However, it seems that this mom was offered real kindness by a stranger who did their best to inform her of a mistake in a thoughtful way. Hopefully she can see the gift in that after she cools off. And hopefully this woman can feel less guilty for trying to do what she felt was the right thing.
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