Abigail Heringer Says ‘The Bachelor’ Is the ‘Best and Worst’ Dating Environment for Someone With Hearing Loss

Bachelor Nation gets a closer look at Abigail Heringer ’s cochlear implant journey in her new book, The Deaf Girl.

"Growing up and even going through the show, I always really struggled being labeled ‘the deaf girl’,” Heringer told Us Weekly exclusively. “It was just a box [or] a label that I felt I didn't fully identify with because I really considered the deaf community growing up to be kind of the ASL, nonverbal communication. And I fell into that weird, gray space. I'm not [in] the hearing community [or] the deaf community, so I didn't really know what to call myself. But I always got labeled ‘the deaf girl’ and I feel like going through The Bachelor, that was amplified.”

Heringer appeared on Matt James ’ season of the ABC show, which aired in early 2021

“And so when I was brainstorming titles for the book, it felt very liberating to write my full story, put it in here. It's a little ironic naming it The Deaf Girl , but I felt like it was my way of saying, you know what? I am ‘the deaf girl.’ People can give me that label, but if you open up the book, you'll see that there's so much more behind it,” she continued. “Anyone with a disability, there's just so much more behind the label.”

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Both Heringer and her older sister were born with hearing loss, which their family later discovered was related to a recessive gene. Their mother opted for both of her daughters to have the surgery to receive cochlear implants when they young, a choice that some members of the deaf community would call controversial. In the book, Heringer illustrates this recalling an ASL teacher who made it clear in front of the class that he didn’t approve of cochlear implants.

“I really wanted to make that one of the themes in the book because it's a real experience [that] I think a lot of people, especially with cochlear implants, go through,” she explained. “And also to give readers that might not even be aware of the divide between the communities. And I will say that experience, the ASL teacher, I think that jump started a lot of insecurities. … I’m not trying to be dismissive of one community over the other. I wanted to share my own experience with it, but It's gonna be different for everybody.”

Heringer’s experience feeling different crescendoed in high school.

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“A big reason why I really struggled with my disability growing up is you have that internal dialogue in a way of, 'OK, am I missing out on something? Is that person annoyed that they have to repeat it? I didn’t laugh fast enough because I didn't hear it, do they think I'm weird?'” Heringer told Us . “And I really wanted to highlight that to give readers that might not be deaf or the parents [of deaf kids] a new perspective — it's so much more than just the physical aspect. There's just so many things with a disability every single day that we're concerned about, worried about, anxious about.”

When it comes to her experience on reality TV, Heringer called being on The Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise (where she met now-fiancé Noah Erb ) “the best and worst environment for dating with a hearing loss.”

“It's so quiet. You're on set. There's no background noise. It's not like a bar or a Top Golf or anything like that. So it was very easy to hear and have a conversation — until you get to the group dates,” Heringer explained. “The running joke I was on every single group date on Matt's season. I never had a one-on-one. And a lot of those group dates – we had so many girls on our season — so on our first group date, we had 18 girls. It felt like a field trip and everyone's cracking jokes and talking to Matt in that group setting and I just could not follow. So I didn't really say anything on that date. And then there was another one where we had to row pumpkins across the water. ... I had to take my cochlear implant off for 30 minutes. And Matt is a part of that date, so it felt very uncomfortable to not be able to hear anything but then also not participate while those girls are getting that time.”

Heringer noted that the living conditions on both The Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise took a toll too.

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“It was really fun at first — felt like college all over again, you get really close with the girls, but for me with a cochlear implant, the sound of silence, that's my natural state of being. I enjoy that time. That's my favorite self-care. And I never really got that on the show,” she said. “I mean, you're up until four in the morning filming, then you're up at eight in the morning the next day. So I was very cranky at the end. I was just overstimulated, just maxed out with my listening on both seasons.”

Erb, who spoke to Us alongside his fiancée, added that he “didn't realize” Heringer felt that way until he read the book. “It literally never crossed my mind that part of the reason it wasn't going as well,” he said.

Heringer and Erb split on the beaches of Mexico in 2021 before reuniting off screen shortly after they returned home. They are set to wed next month. The Deaf Girl is available now.