CREATIVE EDITION: Clambering around campus

DISCLAIMER: The Exponent is not liable for your incriminating choices if you so choose to perform the actions mentioned in this article. Out of respect for PUFD, it is NOT recommended you try these at home!

The locations mentioned will be graded on an A-F scale, but think of it like Purdue STEM grading, so don’t get your hopes or dreams up.

Neil Armstrong. Grade: C-

Purdue loves to talk about notable alumni Neil Armstrong, so much it named an entire building after him and stuck a big, bronze statue out front as the cherry on top. While the first man on the moon is an idol for many Boilermakers looking to follow in his footsteps, I am not in awe of his statue.

Unveiled in 2007, the Armstrong statue does what it needs to do, commemorates his time as a student at Purdue, and makes it one of the busiest photo-ops on campus. Whether one just wants to lean against the concrete pedestal he sits upon, or climb up and give Neil a pat on the shoulder or a lap dance even, it’s not a difficult feat to hop up next to him.

I do think that photo is a staple of the Purdue experience though, and it is an accessible and less dangerous option when adventuring campus. It also gives a creative opportunity for humorous group pictures with your new crew of college companions, I know I have one.

For this I ring it in at a C-.

The Engineering Fountain. Grade: B

Did you know the concrete spectacle nestled between Centennial Mall and the Engineering Mall is officially titled the Class of 1939 Water Sculpture. I didn’t think the name Engineering Fountain could get more boring, but I was sorely mistaken.

Erected in 1989, the Engineering Fountain has seen some publicity from the time a child broke her arm playing in it in 2000, to the annual rendition of the Fountain Run for Boiler Gold Rush. It’s widely considered a centerpiece of campus, but its playground potential goes beyond sprinting through those glittering jets.

With its asymmetric design from pillar to pillar, the fountain is practically a climbing wall. The grainy concrete malformations practically beg to be presented as a challenge for climbers of any experience. Even if you’re not looking to knock your knees into the rock-solid corners and gain a few bruises, it’s quite joyful to hop from bench to bench on the perimeter.

While climbing to the top of the metal cylinder is the more challenging goal, from word of mouth, it can be done solo. The easier way to do it is with a buddy you trust who can lift you, but in the event that the metal is slippery, or you don’t want to risk it for the photo-op, the curved top-sides of the shorter concrete pillars are smooth enough to run up, throw your weight down and slide down. Leggings or other pants are recommended though, as shorts could expose your legs to getting shredded by the concrete.

Due to its multi-opportunistic design, I give the Engineering Fountain a grade of a B.

The Bell Tower. Grade: D-

Everyone knows the supposed curse behind the Purdue Bell Tower. If one unassuming undergraduate steps foot underneath the pointy brick obelisk, they will be cursed from graduating on time. You can check out the Exponent’s “Scenes from Campus: Then to Now” series of photos to learn more about the history of the landmark tower.

With its concrete base and brick layers, the Bell Tower from afar gives a very deceptive impression of an easy climb. A friend of mine with much more upper body strength and athletic experience attempted it and didn’t get nearly as far as I expected.

I’m sure with more expertise, equipment and determination, someone could manage the feat. But to the wanderlusting student craving a photo-op, the Purdue Bell Tower is not the move.

For this I give it the lowest grade of a D-.

VOSS Model. Grade: A-

Alas we arrive at the VOSS Model, an interactive, educational, colorful array of statues dedicated to Purdue alum and astronaut Janice Voss. According to the VOSS website describing the concrete paths that connect the to-scale planets, “for every foot you travel around the Fibonacci Spiral, you would be traveling approximately 5.4 million miles in space.”

In the middle of this display is a large orange, yellow and red metal orb representing the sun with an ethereal light glowing from its center. At the horizontal cross-section of the sun, there are metal platforms begging to be sat upon while looking mysterious and otherworldly while bopping to some Tame Impala or putting “Drops of Jupiter” by Train on repeat.

Albeit being a popular spot for couples and pretty tricky to climb depending on the grip of your shoes, your upper body strength, the presence or lack thereof of a backpack, how wet the ground is, etc, the VOSS Model is by far my favorite place to allegedly clamber around on campus.

The vibes upon the midsection of the sun are immaculate, and the smaller planets are a cute place to hang out with friends and take pictures as well. Even without climbing, the VOSS Model’s placement in Discovery Park fosters a clean and modern atmosphere while looking for a place to walk, write in your journal or of course, clamber atop the Earth’s star.

The statues, in all of their planetary glory, are a whopping 30 feet from the Purdue Police Department, making them the riskiest choice of jungle gym in my opinion.

For this, they are knocked half a grade down from perfect to an A-.

The Boilermaker Statue. Grade: B-

The story behind the “burly boiler makers” title is engraved on a plaque, bolted to a thick, slanted, multi-foot-tall base, atop which sits the Boilermaker. The 18-foot tall Boilermaker set in bronze is in a static position of holding his hammer up before bringing it down upon his mighty anvil, which is a great surface to sit on once you hoist yourself up there.

This school-pride-emitting statue is nestled alongside the northeast corner of Ross-Ade Stadium, which is its own, much more illegal feat that I will not be featuring in this article. While you should always use the buddy system when traversing campus for fun, in this case it is especially helpful for those of us that lack upper body strength or shoes with grip. The base is at a helpful slant, but still the hardest part of getting on the Boilermaker level as the smooth surface involves physics concepts to achieve that I do not want to think about a day before my final.

Once you have gotten atop the anvil, which is the furthest freshman Paige was hypothetically willing to climb, the photo-op is legendary. I’ve seen people climb the Boilermaker’s torso as well, but am unsure of their use of climbing equipment or footwear.

For its sick scenery and photo-op magic with a decent cup of challenge, I give the Boilermaker a B-.

Steel Teaching Sculpture. Grade: B+

Located along the south side of Hampton Hall of Civil Engineering, the Steel Teaching Sculpture is nestled in the foliage alongside the building, arguably rightfully so. It consists of a criss-cross stacking of layers of rust-colored I-beams to visually represent the basic concepts of civil engineering to passersby.

I can only assume it was made to be climbed, with its relatively accessible height off of the ground, the solid steel beams with easily found gripping points and the choice of how many levels of I-beam you want to climb.

Allegedly, it's even been climbed in the rain with minimal slippage in order to experience the ambiance of sitting atop the Steel Teaching Sculpture with the lyrics of Of Monsters and Men and Frank Ocean pumping through a pair of AirPods.

Due to its somewhat uninteresting appearance, but accessible and, for the most part, secluded nature, I give the Steel Teaching Sculpture a climbing experience grade of B+.

Honorable mention: Mackey Arena. Grade: ?

As I take the next giant leap (typing those letters physically pained my fingers), into my junior year at Purdue University, I look upon the future as a bundle of opportunities. Although this article may put a public safety target on my back, I’ll let tensions simmer down before we make it to the fall 2024 semester.

While there are a handful of notable spaces on campus I love to frequent, these are just a handful I’ve had multiple experiences with. What lingers in the horizon is a story one of my TAs told me once about her and a handful of friends finding their way to the top of Mackey Arena to sign their names.

I am unsure of the validity of these statements, but if you see my name in the police beat next semester, just know I made it there with my Purdue GRIT.