The ol' Shaggy defense: It wasn't me. I know some people are probably sick of the whole Connor Stalions story, but I can't get enough of it. If you're not familiar (I assume you wouldn't be reading this if you weren't), the former football staffer for the University of Michigan was allegedly scouting the team's opponents in an attempt to steal their signs when they played the Wolverines. Of course, sign stealing is, in and of itself, just a part of the game. Teams look at game film to try to figure out an opponent's signals and predict their playcalling. But you're not allowed to do it in person, which is where Stalions may have bent - ok, absolutely demolished - the NCAA rules. The graduate of the United States Naval Academy was also allegedly buying tickets for friends and family members, who would then attend games of future Michigan opponents and record their coaches signaling plays on the sidelines so that Stalions could then decipher the play calls and give the Wolverines an advantage. Oh, and he also left his Venmo history public, which showed a record of transactions for football tickets that he was buying for other people - all linked to Michigan's future opponents. Just an absolute menace. I love it. One of the most hilarious (alleged) parts of his scheme though was a picture that circulated showing a man who closely resembled Stalions, possibly wearing a disguise, on the sidelines of a Central Michigan football game last year. https://twitter.com/ChrisVannini/status/1719446799855829249 Now, why would a Michigan staffer be on the sidelines of another in-state school? Well CMU was playing Michigan State - a rival and future opponent for the Wolverines. Of course the more important question would be HOW he got onto the sidelines of a school he's not affiliated with, but the NCAA said in a draft report obtained this month by ESPN that they have evidence showing that the bearded man was, in fact, Stalions. Well why are we talking about all this now? Because Netflix just dropped their new documentary on the situation,
Untold: Sign Stealer, which not only dives into the allegations but also features an in-depth interview with Stalions himself. And one of the things they asked him about was, of course, that CMU game and whether that was him on the sidelines. Now, I didn't expect Stalions to admit that was him. Not in the midst of an NCAA investigation that would impact his future career in coaching. But his defense to the allegations was pretty funny: "I mean, I don't even think this guy looks like me." https://x.com/DanWetzel/status/1828431255513309303 I'm honestly not sure if he was joking or not, because he was definitely holding back a laugh as he said it. Was he just trolling, or being sarcastic while admitting (without admitting) that it was him? Because that guy definitely looks like him - and the internet got a good laugh out of him claiming that it doesn't: https://x.com/ERieserd00d/status/1828492417483280587 https://x.com/BestBallJunkie/status/1828455950610518516
Yeah, not sure that defense is going to fly. Barstool Sports founder Dave Portnoy (who's a Michigan fan himself) also appeared to say in the documentary that Stalions admitted it was him on the sidelines, though Portnoy claims that his words were taken out of context and blamed it on the "magic of editing." https://twitter.com/stoolpresidente/status/1828446573820301712 When asked by the NCAA whether that was him, Stalions claimed that he didn't "recall attending a specific game." I mean, case closed, right? Well, I doubt the NCAA considers it "case closed," and there's no doubt that they're going to come down hard on both Stalions and Michigan once this is all over (despite the fact that Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh has already jumped ship and left for the NFL). But beginning this year, college football teams will now be able to use electronic communications in their helmets, so the whole "sign stealing" thing isn't going to be an issue (or a competitive advantage) anymore anyway. And honestly, I don't really have a dog in this fight (other than hating Ohio State, but who doesn't?) but I've gotta be honest, I'm just impressed that Stalions (allegedly of course) pulled it off. Dude put in work for his team, and there's no chance he's the only one out there doing it. He's just, unfortunately, the one who got caught.
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