Everything that's wrong with baseball, encapsulated by none other than Livvy Dunne posting a GIF of her boyfriend, Paul Skenes. Not to confusedly-cross analogize too much since Skenes is a pitcher, but Dunne's succinct delivery is so fitting of the times we live in, whereas baseball is an antiquated dinosaur fossil of a sport that's overlong, over complicated by sabermetrics, and frankly lame unless you're actually at the ballpark. https://twitter.com/livvydunne/status/1828885505464750493 What was this multi-million engagement GIF in reaction to specifically? Well, Skenes' Pittsburgh Pirates put him on the hill, and for the one day in approximately one week, they were relevant. On the national sporting radar, if you will, in the calm before the storm of COLLEGE FOOTBALL WEEK 1, bay-beeee! So. Did the Buccos make the most of their transient time to shine, when every casual sports fan was drawing dead for viable alternatives? Of course they didn't. What do you think this is, Major League Baseball back when it was cool? See when I was growing up, whenever superstar pitchers like Roger Clemens and Greg Maddux got the start, it was an event. You knew you'd more than likely witness greatness that day. Clemens' strikeout prowess; Maddux's precise command and tactical brilliance. There was not telling how long they'd stay out there. You were watching the game, in person or on TV,
because of them . Paul Skenes is the most exciting pitcher to enter MLB in many years. He had a no-hit bid going in his second-ever start, only to be pulled after six innings. His start before the All-Star break:
Taken out after seven innings of no-hit ball against the Brewers. Wednesday wasn't a no-hitter, but Skenes had only thrown 82 pitches through five innings, giving up two earned runs as the Pirates proceeded to have a five-run bottom half of that frame to build their lead to 10-3. Rather than trotting Skenes back out to the bump to dominate more and log three more outs, Pittsburgh turned to its bullpen. You can see where this is going. The Cubs put two runs on the board in the seventh, three in the eighth, and
six in the ninth to win 14-10. https://twitter.com/MLBONFOX/status/1828885557037928649 https://twitter.com/johnewing/status/1828890119123726552 Hence Dunne's reaction. Hence similar reactions across social media. This is the stuff of unprecedented choke jobs. https://twitter.com/JayCuda/status/1828913899531280569 ...And if there are "baseball gods" or divine forces at play in every sport, I believe there's an even higher power lording over all those sects, who occasionally sprinkle in madness like this when radical change needs to be made. Modern baseball is boring. More batters than ever are going big or going home. Strikeouts are way up. Relievers are more specialized. Scores are lower. The MLB product is stale. If you're at the ballpark on occasion, that's a fun time for sure, but once or twice a year out of 81 possible home games — not counting playoffs — is plenty good enough for me! Is it too early for Paul Skenes to request a trade? Maybe Livvy Dunne can work her branding magic and gaslight the Pirates into believing that moving her beau to another team will actually be
good from a PR perspective. My pitch would be something like, "You're doing the rest of baseball a merciful service by letting Paul go to a far less dysfunctional franchise in a bigger market." Think about Mike Trout. One of the best careers of the modern era. Toiling away in obscurity/perpetuity for the Angels. Pittsburgh hits .235 as a team. My eyes are starting to bleed just thinking about subjecting myself to watching that on a daily basis, never mind only when Skenes gets the starting nod. How hard is it to manage a baseball team? Play the best players. Tell them to hit and pitch good. Throw out the occasional suggestion on when to steal bases. Don't pull your best pitcher off the field when he still has plenty left in the tank. It seems pretty straightforward. Pirates skipper Derek Shelton sounds like a man who may soon be checking out one way or another. https://twitter.com/AustinRBechtold/status/1828899501400305827
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