Dear Abby: Longtime relationship may be a lost cause

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with “Ben” for 13 years, but I have been to his parents’ home only twice. I really love him. We never go anywhere or do anything together. He has never given me a gift for any occasion or “just because.” Material things don’t matter to me, but if he thought to get me something, it would make me feel he cares.

Ben is always gone, and I’m always alone. He is very selfish. How can I help him understand that I have feelings and I matter as much as he does? — MISSING SOMETHING IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR MISSING: People demonstrate their feelings for each other in different ways. From what you have written, it appears the man you have been with for 13 years spends the exact amount of time with you that he wishes, with little to no regard for your needs.

You could talk at Ben until the cows come home, but he won’t get the message. For your sake, invest no more time in this man. Concentrate on finding a partner who is willing to give you what you need. If you do, you’ll have a happier life than the one you are living now.

DEAR ABBY: A friend’s daughter moved in with me to attend college so she would not have to commute. At the time, I was out of state with an ill family member. While I was away, my bathroom was repainted without my permission. Had I been asked, I would have said NO.

I, and many others, think this was totally inappropriate. It’s still unsettling to me, even though it happened a couple of years ago. How do I put this behind me? — COLOR-CORRECTED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR COLOR-CORRECTED: I understand why you are still seeing red. You were generous, and your hospitality was violated. What the girl did was nervy. (I hope you made her restore it to the way it was, but I suspect you didn’t do that.)

A way to put this behind you would be to consider it a LESSON and, in the future, before allowing anyone to stay in your home, establish a set of ground rules that includes “no altering the premises in your absence.”

DEAR ABBY: I have an unusual situation and don’t know what to do. I’ve been married for 28 years. My husband likes to urinate outside. We have a patio just outside our kitchen window, and I can’t stand the smell anymore.

Our neighbors have complained to him and have asked me to make him stop. I have asked him nicely, I have begged, I have gotten angry and I have cried. Nothing makes him stop. Last year, he was arrested for urinating in a public park. Please help me figure this out. — AT THE END OF MY ROPE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR ‘END’: For some men, their home is their castle, and their yard is their kingdom. Your husband seems to like marking his turf — literally. (Dogs do this as well.) Because you can’t make him see reason, it may be time for your neighbors to report him to the authorities for exposing himself in public.

And, between you and me, that he would urinate in a public park may indicate that he’s slipping mentally, which should be mentioned to his doctor.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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