How to Age With Grace: Mental Health Pros Share the Keys to a Full, Flourishing Life

We all want to blow out the candles on our birthday cake each year feeling strong, confident and, most of all, assured that we’re living our best life. But when it comes to knowing how to age with grace (or what that even means!) there are more than a few obstacles we face, from coming to terms with our changing bodies to grappling with our shifting roles in the world. Here, experts share the keys to thriving spiritually, emotionally and mentally—no matter how many years young you are.

How to age gracefully

Take a simple 'growth inventory'

It is possible to flourish at every stage of life, says therapist Ruth Stitt , who urges us to look back on our journey. “In our 60s, we come into a more reflective phase,” she says. “Women often ask themselves, Did I live the life I wanted? Have I made a contribution?” Stitt acknowledges such questions can trigger despair. “People say things like, ‘I’m 68, and I’ve never traveled.’  She admits that when some people ask themselves such questions, they experience despair. “I see it all the time: Women say things like, ‘I’m 68 and I’ve never traveled.’” While your realizations may be daunting, they’re far from unsurmountable. “It’s never too late to bring meaning to your life ,” promises Stitt.

She speaks from experience, as she wrote her memoir so that she could “rediscover the good and not-so-good aspects” of her past. “It’s kind of invigorating—there’s so much value in objectively remembering and celebrating what’s good and worthwhile in your life. And even the negative things led me to make amends, like calling an old friend I don’t remember why I stopped talking to. She told me not only had I done nothing wrong, but I had made a big contribution in her life.” Such surprises likely await you on your inventory and will remind you of the impact you’ve made on others.

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Tap the power of connection

The closest thing to a fountain of youth? Social bonds. “There’s a tremendous amount of research showing that if you have a varied social network , you’re much more likely to be healthy, have strong relationships and live longer,” says Melinda Blau , author of The Wisdom Whisperers: Golden Guides to a Long Life of Grit, Grace, and Laughter . And there’s no need to be extraverted either, she assures. “We can all get better at it—it’s just about being willing to share little bits of yourself.”

It’s especially fulfilling to foster relationships “up and down the age ladder,” she adds, explaining her experiences befriending women in their 80s and 90s. “It wasn’t like having a mentor or a mother—it felt like having a friend who’s ahead of me on the ‘path’ and can tell me what’s in store for me.” The same logic applies to befriending people who are just beginning their journey: you can be the one to show them how you overcame challenges and transitions in life.

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Know you’re never alone

We all define what it means to age with grace differently, says Sharon Betters , author of Aging with Grace: Flourishing in an Anti-Aging Culture . “For me, it’s extending to others the same kindness God has shown me.” She admits it’s not always easy. “If my life has turned upside down during a period of pain, for example, maybe it’s harder for me to be nice or patient.”

This is when leaning on your spirituality can give you strength. “If I’m impatient, how can God help me transform my impatience? Or, if I’m lonely, am I going to be angry or resentful, or am I going to intentionally put myself in the context of meeting new people?” Remembering you’re not alone, and looking to a power greater than yourself, “doesn’t change your circumstances, but it changes your perspective—and your heart.”

Rediscover the power of purpose

Sometimes life throws us curveballs that change what we thought our golden years would look like. Betters recalls a friend who was so full of life, her nickname was “the energizer bunny.” But she received a medical diagnosis that stopped her in her tracks. “She struggled with the loss of her identity and went through a grieving process—but she realized her limitations actually freed her to invest even more time in her community.” The lesson Betters took away? “The peace we find in acceptance often leads us to a place of purpose.”

Bring humor to life’s changes

It’s no secret things change as we get older, including our looks. “I remember when I was 68, catching my reflection as I came out of the shower, and thinking, This is not good,” Blau, 80, says with a laugh. “I started to feel bad, and knowing it was a slippery slope, I made a choice that day that I wasn’t going to trash my looks. Nothing stays the same. You don’t look at yourself at 30 and say, ‘Where did the cute nose I had when I was 3 go?’ I tell myself today, You’re lucky; you’re 80 and you’re healthy.” Talking to yourself kindly helps you focus on the things that really matter.

Share your wisdom

You’ve earned it, after all! For Betters, doing so deepens her connections with her grandkids who range in age from 15 to 20. “Every couple of weeks we have dinners with them, and ask the penetrating questions like, ‘Is it ever okay to lie?’ And ‘What encourages you?’ These questions and their answers almost always lead to us telling stories about our lives that bring us closer.”

For more stories on healthy aging:

5 Easy Secrets of Super Agers That Can Help You Live a Long and Happy Life

What Is Biohacking? Everything You Need to Know About the New Approach to Healthy Aging

As We Age, It’s Important That We Never Stop Learning — Here Are 5 Tips for Staying Sharp