"He was with his ex-wife after we got engaged; can I trust him?" Dallas fiancee doubts proposal

*This article is a work of nonfiction based on actual events recounted to me by a friend who witnessed them firsthand; used with permission

Photo byŠtefan ŠtefančíkonUnsplash

Hearing your relationship partner proposing to you, seeing the ring, and thinking about living together is romantic and an essential moment for many couples before tying the knot.

But what do you do if this is not your partner's first time proposing, and shortly after asking you to be his wife, he tries to be with an ex one last time? Is that acceptable as a way to realize he only wants you or has he permanently ended the trust between the two of you?

My friend Bria, who lives in Dallas, has been dating her boyfriend Thomas for three years. They met while he was getting divorced, and she helped him through that difficult time by listening and keeping positive about all the issues he talked to her about.

"He was sad, and he didn't really want to see his relationship and marriage end, but she'd found someone else and was ready to move on. I encouraged him and kept telling him he deserved to be happy with someone else, too. Gradually, he accepted things as they were, and he told me he no longer cared about Jane, his wife," Bria said.

The divorce took eight months, and they were friends during that time and three months after it was final. They called each other daily, texted, and chatted on social media every chance they got.

Bria was in a relationship at the time, but she was arguing a lot with her boyfriend because he didn't have a stable job, and she was the only one paying rent in Dallas and the rest of their bills.

"I was upset too, and we kind of helped each other realize we both deserved better. I felt stuck in my relationship, but he made me feel like I could count on him, and I didn't need to accept what my boyfriend was doing. I eventually asked him to move out because I wasn't going to keep paying for him all my life," Bria said.

Once her relationship ended and Thomas's divorce took place, they felt ready to see if they wanted to be together as a couple, not just friends.

"He asked me to go out, and I said yes. I cared about him, and I felt we would be happy together. After the first date, we agreed to meet almost every evening and see where this could lead," Bria said.

As weeks went by, she and Thomas felt closer to each other, and they could leave all unpleasant memories behind while making new ones together.

They moved in together four months after their first date in Dallas and got used to each other's habits.

"We started on takeouts, and we hired a cleaning lady because we didn't have time for chores or cooking. But gradually, we enjoyed making dinner on some nights, and he helped me with laundry, and we didn't always need help with our housework," Bria said.

Thomas told her he'd like to raise a family together and have a home, and Bria shared her goal to have five kids and be a stay-at-home mom.

"He wasn't that excited to be the only one working, but he understood there was no way I could get the time for a job if we had five kids and a ton of dishes and laundry to do every day," Bria said.

After six months, Thomas invited her for dinner and hired a band to play their song while he asked Bria to be his wife.

"He gave me a ring and proposed, and it was so special. I felt loved, and I wanted to be with him and have our wedding and kids," Bria said.

Once she agreed to be his wife, they started preparing for the ceremony and asked their parents for support with all the details.

Besides choosing menus, cakes, invitations, flower arrangements, or curtains, Thomas also asked Bria for something unusual. He wanted to go on a short trip by himself to gather his thoughts.

"He said it was like one final moment to be with himself before we got married. I said ok if he needed that; I figured it would give me more time to choose a wedding gown, and it was just three days," Bria recalls.

So Thomas packed a few things and left for his trip. When he got back, he was in a great mood and very interested in finding out everything about the wedding and what he could help with.

"I was surprised by such enthusiasm because cakes and table settings usually bored him, but it was nice. I included him in everything and asked for his opinion," Bria said.

One week after Thomas came back to Dallas from his trip, she got an unexpected call. It was Jane, his ex-wife, and what she had to tell her made her question all the enthusiasm she'd been seeing from her fiance.

"She told me they were together on that trip and that he'd asked her for a second chance. I wasn't sure if I could believe her, but she sounded so confident and unpleasant," Bria said.

She asked her fiance about it when he got back from work, and he admitted it. But he added he still wanted to marry her because Jane didn't want to be with him again.

"He was with his ex-wife after we got engaged; can I trust him? And he said he wants to be married to me because she said no, not because he's dedicated to me. What's wrong with him?" Bria said.

They argued that evening, and Bria asked Thomas to figure out who he loved. He's confused about why she got so upset since he doesn't want to cancel the wedding but just tried to be with Jane one more time before raising a family with someone else.

What do you think about this situation? Was it ok for Thomas to take that trip without telling his fiancee he wouldn't be going on his own? Are those three days he spent with Jane a good reason for Bria to end their relationship, return the ring, and refuse to marry him?