"We'll keep you and ignore him if it doesn't work out"

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*This article is a work of nonfiction based on actual events recounted to me by a friend who witnessed them firsthand; used with permission

Getting along with your in-laws could mean a stressful relationship from the beginning, but every once in a while, things work out, and you feel they care about you.

How should you react when they tell you they actually like you more than their own child and that they would choose you if they could? Should you let your spouse know, or is it better to avoid arguments and keep things going well as long as you're all happy?

My friend Tammy has been married to her husband, Liam, for two years. They don't have kids yet, and they plan to postpone that for a few more years while they save to get a nice home and be able to afford the family vacations they like.

"Earning more matters a lot to both of us. And putting our careers first for a while makes sense. I don't want to have kids too soon and then get stressed at the end of each month while thinking of a way to cover bills and make everyone happy while being upset myself. I would rather have a happy relationship with my husband and only have kids when we feel it won't add pressure to our marriage," Tammy said.

Liam feels the same way, and he's not looking forward to being a dad for a good while. At the same time, his parents were excited about grandkids, but as soon as the couple told them how things were, they accepted their decision.

"I was surprised they didn't want to argue about it or anything like that. I mean, obviously, it's our decision, but my parents weren't happy about it, and they said so. My in-laws were actually very kind and helpful, they said they supported our relationship no matter what, and they didn't blame us at all. I felt relieved on seeing how well they reacted," Tammy said.

She's had a great relationship with her mother-in-law since she got engaged to Liam, but last weekend showed her there was a bit more to it than that. She got a reply she didn't expect, and since then, she's been confused about the way Gina, her mother-in-law, thinks about her.

"We went to their house to have dinner on Sunday, and his mom had been cooking, and she was positive and very talkative, just like usual. At one point, a neighbor came by, and she looked upset. Gina went with her to the living room, and we were all outside having lunch. When she got back, she asked me to go into the kitchen with her. She told me her neighbor was upset because her husband was having an affair," Tammy said.

And what Gina said next surprised her even more.

"She added that husbands can't be trusted and that she didn't like her husband that much. As for her son, she said he might have an affair anytime without caring about our relationship but that she hoped he wouldn't for my sake. 'We'll keep you and ignore him if it doesn't work out,' were her words. I didn't think she could have such an opinion about her own child," Tammy said.

They went back to have lunch with the rest of the family, and Tammy didn't say anything about their conversation. But since then, she's been considering if she should tell Liam what his mom told her. On the other hand, she doesn't want to start an argument or create distance between the mom and her son.

"Maybe I should just leave it alone. She couldn't have meant it the way it sounded. She must care about him and want to have a relationship with him, too, not just with me. And yes, I'm happy she loves me and thinks of me as her daughter, but it felt like she didn't like her husband and her son that much and didn't respect them at all, and their relationship is actually distant. As for trust, she didn't rely on anyone in her own family, and she told me so clearly," Tammy said.

Since then, she noticed Liam and his mom don't talk much. They don't text or call, and they mostly get in touch if Gina calls her, and she asks Liam to come over and talk to Gina for a few minutes too.

What do you think about Gina's reaction? Should Tammy pay attention to those words and tell her husband what took place, or is it better to think it was just a reaction to what happened to Gina's neighbor? Is it ok for a mother-in-law to actually like her daughter-in-law more than her son, or should Gina focus on improving her relationship with her son?