"She wants a baby. We're dating; mom and dad don't know her yet"

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*This article is a work of nonfiction based on actual events recounted to me by a friend who witnessed them firsthand; used with permission

Having kids will change your relationship, and it will show you how much you care about your partner as you adjust to being parents together. What do you do when you think everything's happening too fast and your partner feels like having a family long before you go through other steps to make your connection permanent?

Would you go ahead and agree to have kids just to see them happy or should you think carefully and not agree to something that will change your life unless that's how you want your relationship to be?

My friend Bria has been dating her boyfriend Donovan for two months. They've been friends for almost a year before their first date, but Donovan still feels like there's a lot they need to learn about each other.

"She's great to talk to, and she knows how to cook. None of my girlfriends did that, but I think it's because she's a bit older, too. Bria is 11 years older than me, and I'm sure this is what makes our relationship different. She doesn't argue much, and we laugh a lot. She got to the point where she would rather enjoy herself than waste time on long disagreements," Donovan said.

He's pleased because being in a relationship with someone older has meant he gets to see places he couldn't get into before. Besides her age, his girlfriend has a higher salary, so they've checked out elegant restaurants that Donovan couldn't afford before.

"I work part-time for now, and I rely on my parents for most of what I need. When I'm with her, I realize there's so much more that I haven't experienced yet, and it's great that we met. I think I'm in love and she wants us to be together for a long time. I haven't ever met someone as interesting as she is. I don't think I'll get bored, and our relationship keeps changing, and we go on exciting trips, and we don't always have to think about how much it costs to enjoy ourselves," Donovan said.

Bria doesn't mind covering the check when they eat out, and she's not in a hurry for her boyfriend to get a higher-paying job. She told Donovan he should choose carefully so he can have the career he wants. At the same time, she's convinced their relationship will be a long-term one and would like to have a family with Donovan.

He agreed and told her it would be great to have a nice home and kids one day, but Bria would like this to happen sooner rather than later. What Donovan didn't realize was just how soon she wanted a family of her own.

"I don't care if I earn more, and he only works part-time. What we have is not about money at all. And I earn enough to pay for everything anyway. I already have a home, so it's just about him moving in and being happy. Having kids is my priority, and I think Donovan is the right partner for me. I don't think there's any point in dating for years, then getting engaged, and only after that plan a wedding for months to finally be able to do what makes both of us happy," Bria said.

They've been seeing each other for two months, and they don't live together yet, but Bria felt it was the right time to have a talk with her boyfriend. And what she told him left him surprised because he wasn't expecting any of that for now.

"I thought we would be dating for at least eight more months, maybe even a year. And then, I would think if I should propose. But she just wants to put all that to one side and consider having a family. That's like taking away so many steps from our love, and I'm not sure I know her enough to do all that, even if we were friends before. Having a family is something that will last, and I can't just do that after a few dates," Donovan said.

He didn't know how to feel about his girlfriend being in such a hurry to be a mom. Bria didn't say she was against a proposal or a wedding, but she'd like to have kids first and only after that consider the other steps.

Donovan is uncomfortable with the way she wants their future to be, particularly since he hasn't even introduced her to his parents yet. Their opinion matters to him, not because they would make a choice for him but because he wants them to feel he cares about them, too.

And he's not sure they're going to like Bria that much when they learn she wants them to be grandparents before they're even her in-laws.

"She wants a baby. We're dating; mom and dad don't know her yet. It's not that I don't love her. I care a lot about her, and I'm thinking about what she said. But I just feel like she's doing all of it too fast. We should enjoy each part of our relationship and celebrate with our parents and friends. And I'd like to plan a special proposal. Instead of all that, she wants me to be a dad before I'm a husband. It's not how I thought it would be, even if I do want my own family," Donovan said.

His friends advised him to think carefully about what he'll do because having kids would add responsibility to his life, and he needs to be prepared for that. Despite his girlfriend's higher salary, Donovan won't be able to support them if she wants to stay home for a few months, but she told him she'd like to get back to work in a few weeks after giving birth and hire a babysitter.

What do you think about this situation? Is Bria in too much of a hurry to be a mom, and should she relax for a while and be happy just because she and Donovan found each other? Is it better to have kids sooner, or would their relationship change with the added stress of looking after babies, particularly for Donovan, who's not earning enough and doesn't feel ready for this step?