Tom Brady Needs to Follow These Seven Rules If He Wants to Be a Hall of Fame Broadcaster

Tom Brady has a chance to become a double-GOAT. He’s got the football side down as long as Patrick Mahomes doesn’t win too many more Super Bowls. Broadcasting could be next.

Brady is attacking his next job with the enthusiasm we’d expect from a former sixth-round pick turned seven-time Super Bowl champion.

And that’s exactly the problem.

He’s supposed to entertain us. Not beat the New York Jets. The two tasks require a different skill set.

History proves there isn’t a direct correlation between football talent and broadcasting skill. Joe Montana wasn’t great. Emmitt Smith didn’t last. Drew Brees was done after one year at NBC. Jason Witten was so heavily criticized, he put on a helmet and went back to playing.

Fortunately for Brady, I’m here to help. Not as an expert broadcaster, but as a fan. I could never call the Super Bowl for Fox. I definitely will watch it and be able to tell if Brady is a fun listen.

Here are my seven pointers for Brady — one for each ring — before he calls Cowboys-Browns on Sept. 8:

1. You’re calling a football game, not giving a TED Talk

As a fan, I don’t watch football for motivation. In fact, the exact opposite. I want to be lazy. I want to sit on the couch for 10 hours (14 when there are Europe games) and feel like I emerged from a cave at the end of the Sunday night game. The hardest I want to work is going to the kitchen to get a wet paper towel for the salsa stain on my sweatshirt.

Two Brady-led documentaries, “Tom vs. Time” and “Man in the Arena” were loaded with strategies to maximize your potential. Brady should take all that wise counsel and bury it with the Spygate tapes. Let’s have fun and watch some football with the greatest to ever do it.

2. Tone down the rhetoric

Brady recently gave an enlightening interview to Stephen A. Smith at Fanatics Fest in New York. He was engaging and energetic and the fans loved it. But if you think about what he actually said, he was probably coming in a little hot.

“I think it’s a tragedy that we are forcing these rookies to play early,” Brady said. “Because we dumbed the game down to allow them to play.”

That’s not even a sports tragedy let alone a real tragedy. I’m not sure he’s right about rookies playing too soon, either. C.J. Stroud looked pretty good last year. Brady, a Michigan man, probably didn’t want to acknowledge an Ohio State player.

Brady doesn’t feel that football is just a game. It means more to him and that’s why he’s awesome. But he can’t treat a Week 8 Bucs-Falcons game like an existential battle for the very soul of the nation. That’s Week 7, when the Chiefs visit the 49ers.

3. You’re Tom Brady

Anything Tom Brady says has gravitas. Don’t over-analyze the game. Brady was the most prepared quarterback in NFL history. He’ll do hours of homework and then feel compelled to share everything he learned about the two teams. No one wants a three-hour book report.

NBC’s Cris Collinsworth told Kay Adams that an “intense and insane” Brady called for advice. Brady doesn’t realize how low the bar is. All he has to say is “I would have thrown the ball out of bounds there” and he’s already offered significant insight.

4. Be honest about bad QB play

Brady took a swipe at Giants quarterback Daniel Jones during Fanatics Fest and it was wonderful. Maybe Jones is an easy target, even in New York. We’ll see if Brady can be critical during the season. Pretty much anyone he’s watching, except for maybe Mahomes, won’t be as good as he was. Even now, Brady could out-play over half the quarterbacks in the NFL.

One of the best interviews Brady did was on “The Shop” in 2021, when he told LeBron James and friends that he was still holding a grudge from free agency. When a team showed interest and then decided to go another way, Brady got mad: “I was sitting there thinking, ‘You’re sticking with that mother [bleep]er? Are you serious?’”

Probably too much to ask for Brady to be completely honest. In the same interview, he admitted that 90 percent of what he told the media was a lie. Still, a few critical comments would go a long way. Some broadcasters, especially early in their career, don’t want to make anyone mad. If Brady wants to be the best he has to resist the temptation to play nice.

5. Laugh at yourself

Brady’s celebrity roast on Netflix helped change the perception that he was no fun. Hopefully he can display that same kind of humility in his new job. He can’t bring out comedian Nikki Glaser at halftime to shred his performance – although that would be amazing. He can encourage his partner Kevin Burkhardt to give him a hard time.

By all accounts, Brady used to be one of the guys. Former teammates tell stories about him out-chugging offensive linemen. Now he is a health nut who almost throws the Lombardi Trophy into the bay after two margaritas. I’d love to see some of the younger Brady come through on Fox.

6. Don’t play again

This is simple. You can’t broadcast games if you’re playing for the Raiders. Or the Dolphins. Or the Giants. Brady is 47. He’s going to be looking down from the booth and know that he is better than some of the guys playing. He’ll be in pre-show meetings with coaches who will flatter him and say they wish he’d come back. He’ll hear cheers and wish they were for him.

At some point, someone will call to gauge his interest. Brady has to cut off those talks. He already used his un-retirement card. If he really wants to be a double-GOAT, stay the course.

7. When in doubt, tell a Gronk story

Hard to keep the audience engaged during a blowout. But I’m not turning the channel if Brady wants to talk about the time Rob Gronkowski did something strange in the locker room. Brady should use big No. 87 as a safety blanket, just like he did on the Patriots and Bucs.

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