Older Adults Who Never Got Married Are Revealing The Surprising "Truths" About What Their Lives Are Actually Like

A while back, we wrote posts ( here and here ) where older adults who never got married revealed the myths about being single later in life. In the comments, even more unmarried older adults shared the misconceptions about their lives that more people should know. Here's what they had to say:

1. "Most of my married friends (with children) said over the years that I should have children because they will care for me in my old age. Many of these friends rarely see their grown children, as several live across town, in other states, or in other countries. They don't get to enjoy their grandchildren except for an occasional phone call."

"Some have had more memories (and call for help) with my extended family than their immediate families!"

—53, Kansas

2. "Myth: You'll be lonely. Fact: I had numerous unmarried relationships. I am female, yet I ended up either supporting or subsidizing all those men financially — and I had to do all the housework, yardwork, taking care of everything from kids to animals to business concerns."

"Since I wasn't married to any of them, it was much easier to walk away when I was totally disgusted."

—73, California

3. "Myth: There must be something wrong with you if you don't marry. The truth is some of us don't find the love of their life and just go on finding they love themselves enough to love their friends and family and to participate in a wide circle of things to enjoy while striving to be a productive whole person."

—79 USA

4. "The number one myth I come across is married people assuming that I have more free time and money than them. I think they forget that couples split household duties and expenses, while single people have to keep up with everything themselves. They can split responsibilities that align with their likes and abilities, but single people do it all, even if they don't know how."

"If one of them is sick, the other takes certain chores over, but if you live alone, it's all you . Regardless, I absolutely love my lifestyle and the choices that I have made. But I think it's funny that so many people assume that I have all kinds of time, that I want to house or pet sit for them, or that I get to travel more. I wish it were true, but it's definitely not."

—44, Colorado

5. "I used to think I missed the boat, missed out on 'the fairytale,' so to speak. But the 'fairytale' is just that, a fairytale, and it has nothing to do with real life. Crime shows abound where people get married and end up killing each other for whatever reasons. I wonder how many people I graduated high school with are still married to their first spouse? Or second, or third, or fourth? People leave these relationships traumatized, if at all."

"I have peace of mind and contentment, which I think is about the closest we come to actual happiness. I can do what I want, when I want, how I want, with no one to answer to but myself. I don't miss what I missed in not getting married. In fact, I may have dodged a bullet. I certainly dodged the trauma."

—64, North Carolina

6. "The myth of being single by choice is not always true — it's not always a choice. You don't get to decide to be loved by someone. It's totally and completely up to another person, and I wish more people, especially anyone who's been in or is in a relationship, would realize it. Some of us are not single by choice; no one wants us, and it's been proven over and over again by never being chosen."

"The myth that we’ve been rejected isn’t true, either. Some of us have never been picked in the first place, always invisible."

—47, California

7. "Another myth is that a person who has never been married has not had anyone ask them. That is not true for me. It was just the wrong person at the wrong time doing the asking. I think many people, including myself, remain single for a variety of reasons, which may include being disappointed by others who are not the right match for them, wanting to be independent, and valuing their own self-worth (and that more than being in a committed relationship) or preoccupied with other things that occur in life."

"If that sounds selfish, maybe it is. But a solo adventure through life teaches you many things, and sometimes, there is good, and sometimes there is bad. But life, whether married or single, is still an adventure to the end, and we all come into the world alone and will leave it the same way whenever that comes. No matter what situation you have in life, I think it is good to find things that make you happy and to laugh and enjoy who you are, where you are, and what lessons you are learning."

—79, USA

8. "'You'll change your mind.' I never wanted to have children, so why get married? My parents offered all four daughters $100 if they would elope, stay away (never meet the husband), and never bring any grandchildren around, should we marry. Two daughters married, and two didn't."

"My parents never met their grandchildren and didn't see their daughters for decades."

—73, California

9. "I cannot stand it when friends/acquaintances say (without bad intention), statements such as, 'You are so strong, I could never travel alone or go to a restaurant alone…' While it starts out flattering, in the end, I almost feel like I need to apologize for being able to do these things."

"Last year, I chose to drive from Ohio to Utah for a week-long family reunion. My family has watched me traverse the globe after being in the Air Force for 24 years, so they didn't seem to think much of it. My new dog was a great traveling companion with me, and it was wonderful. When I returned, I had several people who didn't know me well, I guess, comment on how they could have never done what I did, but they did not say it flatteringly. I told them what I enjoyed, including my adventures in getting a young dog into the hotel room, running out in the morning before he had an accident, and so on. Still, what was said, while not outright rude, was said in a tone that made them think I was out of my mind. I should have said, 'It's too bad you don't enjoy your own company, thoughts, and dreams enough to want to make some of those come true.' One person who said that to me is a person who is dying to travel but whose husband hates to travel. I should feel sorry for her. This year is the first time I've ever told myself and some family friends, 'I love my life.' Articles like this one have helped me see that I'm not so odd, which is so empowering to me."

—61, Ohio

10. "I've never been happier. Which is a surprise because I was told by society, family and such that happiness was getting married and settling down. I just never met my guy. I wanted it all. It just never happened. I was more lonely in dissatisfying relationships, than I am now."

"I'm more creative and happy being single. If someone comes into my life, great! But I'm not in any rush. Now I'm stronger than ever and living my best life!"

—54, USA

11. "I never assumed I would marry, but at times over the years, wanted to — it just never worked for either myself or the person I was with. I knew early on I would make a terrible dad, as I had a hard time sticking to my guns with things (just ask my dog!), so consigned myself to make sure I didn't get anyone pregnant. Probably the biggest struggle for me is that I can get too clingy with friends — most understand and accept it, but there are those who are scared off by that."

"I try and look for other single people when making new friends, but I also have a lot of married couple friends — and they are the type that seem quite content with me being a 'third wheel.'"

—67, USA

12. "There are pros and cons to being single and pros and cons to having a partner — I don't think one group is happier or better off. I realized in my early 30s that instead of trying to find a partner, I would focus on simply being happy; I accepted that sometimes it meant I might have a partner and sometimes I might not. But either way...I'd be happy."

"It's a very simple metric, but it's hard to realize in your 20s how much happiness and success is conflated with having a partner when that's just not true. "

— violetbaudelairegt

13. "I'm 50 and have never been married, but I have two kids. Yes, I would love to find a partner. No, I don't need to have a partner. My kids are not 'screwed up' from being raised by a single mom. I think it allowed them to see that they can be independent and happy."

— ssstege11573

14. "I love being single and knowing I don't want to get married or have kids (I'm in my mid-30s), but the only thing I think I 'miss out' from having a partner is that traveling with a partner is so much cheaper. Single rooms at hotels and such are expensive, and traveling with friends isn't always possible when they have their own families and SOs. Traveling solo should be cheaper."

— grhngrg

15. "I just turned 50 and NEVER imagined I'd be unmarried or without kids. It's what everyone did in their 20s where I came from. I was engaged once, and I know it was mostly to meet that 'expectation.' I still want to share my life with someone, but I don't need to. To me, it's scarier to be locked into someone for life than to be on my own."

— katherinewins3

16. "Not getting married and not having children is not a fate worse than death. While I never got married, I did have some long-term relationships with men. While they were the ones who liked to play the happy bachelor role, the relationships always ended because they were looking for marriage and children. I will admit that while I missed the companionship, I had with them, I had no intention of ever getting married."

"I came from a household of two very unhappily married people, and I knew it was not the life I wanted."

—73, Illinois

17. "I am and always was a happy, single person. But I always that that I would marry and have kids. I dated a very smart, cute gentleman from the age of 18 through 25, during which time I came to know myself quite well. I was a doer. He was a thinker. We were unofficially engaged. I was the one who wanted it to be 'unofficial.' When I answered why to myself, I knew that he only wanted me because he thought he was losing me (and he was as I matured). I wanted someone who wanted me because he couldn't live without me."

" After that breakup (I did the breaking), my real life began. I changed careers and moved with that new career to Toronto, Chicago, and Boston. I traveled and skied with those jobs in two countries — in the East, the Midwest, and the West. I've sailed on multiple lakes and the ocean. I've been flown to islands for lunch in private planes. And all along, I have met wonderful people, dated, and grown to love my life. My reward is having lifelong friends in all of those places."

18. "I'm 47, and I learned a while back that married life is not for me. I like my personal space, I don't like having my stuff touched, and I like that I can make most decisions without consulting anyone. I enjoy having friends and family over, but I'm just as happy when they leave as when they arrive."

"I believe that I'm a good son, a good brother, a good uncle, and a good friend — but I would make a HORRIBLE husband and an even worse father ."

— jmacxjr

And finally...

19. "There is no one-size-fits-all solution for everyone. That's what drives me up the wall about most people pushing traditional marriage/kids on everyone. There are many different ways to live your life, which can change as you age. What works in your 30s might not work in your 50s, but we're expected to lock in with a partner for life. My wish is people would just have a live-and-let-live attitude about it all. As long as I'm happy with my life and not hurting anyone, who cares how I go about my days?"

" I know many married people who are miserable, having affairs, using their partner just for money , etc., but we're told somehow these awful people are better just because they're married."

—46, Illinois

Older adults who never got married, what are some other misconceptions about your life that more people should know? Feel free to tell us in the comments below. Or, if you prefer to remain anonymous, you could use this Google form .

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.