What Not to Say to Someone With Eczema

Jeremy Paredes has had severe eczema since he was a baby. Over the years, he's had symptoms like dry and itchy skin, red rashes, scabs, bleeding, inflammation, and pain on many parts of his body. His eczema even once landed him in the hospital for nearly a week.

Now a 21-year-old student at the Georgia Institute of Technology in Atlanta, Paredes has heard it all when it comes to hurtful comments and questions about his skin. He's heard classmates talking about his rashes and dry skin behind his back. He's been told to "just stop scratching." He's been asked if his flare-ups are contagious.

"Growing up, I always tried to wear long sleeves. And it was just to hide it so people wouldn't have to ask me questions about it," says Paredes. "I couldn't play sports, I couldn't hang out with my friends. I didn't really have that mental block to kids asking me what it is and making comments about it."

His lifelong journey with eczema - which he's shared in self-made documentaries as an advocate for the eczema community - has given him a thick skin against hurtful words. After enduring years of unwanted comments and stares, he now shares his story to help others better understand the condition and what people who have it may be going through.

"A lot of people don't know that eczema is so much more than just a rash," says Paredes. "It can be so much more than just a physical condition. It affects your emotional and mental state as well." People with eczema are prone to mental health conditions like anxiety and depression , research shows.

If a family member or friend has shared with you that they have eczema, you may have questions about their condition, or you might wonder what you can say to best support them. Or maybe you've tried saying the right thing, but it came off the wrong way.

Here are eight things Paredes and experts recommend you avoid saying to a loved one who has opened up to you about their eczema - and what you can say instead to show your support.

1. ‘I Have Eczema, Too'

Of course, there are others like Paredes who have severe eczema, too. But usually when he hears this often well-intended phrase, it's from someone who's referring to a small and minor patch of problematic skin on their elbow or on their leg, for instance, rather than a chronic condition that affects their whole body and has a significant impact on their daily life.

"They'll say, ‘Oh, it sucks, I have eczema, too' or ‘I feel itchy sometimes, too.' That's definitely not something you want to tell an eczema patient," he says. "I understand where they're trying to come from, and eczema comes in all shapes, sizes, and forms, but severe eczema patients really know just how bad it can get."

It's best to avoid comparing a small patch of problematic skin to a full-blown diagnosed condition that requires 24/7 management, says Jennifer Moyer Darr, LCSW , a counselor at National Jewish Health in Denver, where she manages the pediatric behavioral health team and is a spokesperson for the National Eczema Association (NEA).

What to say instead: "Simply ask how the person is doing and feeling," says Moyer Darr, who provides individual and family therapy to children, teens, and young adults with chronic conditions, including eczema. "Ask, ‘What can I do to help support you?' Acknowledge, ‘I don't really understand eczema or its impact on you. When you feel up to it, I would l would love to learn about this.'"

2. ‘Have You Tried …'

People with eczema are no strangers to unsolicited recommendations for over-the-counter products or remedies they've likely already tried.

"Most patients who have had chronic eczema have tried lots of different things and have heard it all, so to speak," says Peter Lio, MD , a clinical assistant professor of dermatology and pediatrics at Northwestern University in Chicago and a member of the board of directors for the NEA. One common example: "There was a funny T-shirt at one of our [NEA] Eczema Expos a couple of years ago that just said, ‘Yes, I have tried coconut oil.'"

Even if it's well-intended, it's best to avoid sharing unsolicited generic advice like this with someone who has eczema, says Dr. Lio. For starters, generic suggestions are often linked to the assumption that eczema can be easily treated with over-the-counter products, when in reality many with eczema need prescription medication and ointments to manage their symptoms day in and day out.

It also implies your loved one isn't making an effort to treat their condition, Moyer Darr says.

What to say instead: If you have specific recommendations for products or providers that helped you or someone you know, you can ask your loved one if they're interested in hearing about it instead of giving unsolicited advice. "Say, ‘I suspect you've tried a lot of things. Can I share something a friend/colleague/loved one has found helpful?'" Moyer Darr suggests. This may be better received than asking right off the bat if they've tried such and such remedy, she says.

3. ‘It's Just a Rash'

There's much more to eczema than meets the eye, Lio and Moyer Darr say. "Some comments, such as ‘It's just a rash,' may be well intended, but they minimize the person's experience," Moyer Darr says. "That results in them not feeling heard and they may begin to withdraw from you."

What's more, eczema can cause complications beyond rashes, such as fluid-filled blisters or even infections if bacteria, fungus, or a virus breaks through the skin barrier, which is weakened among people with eczema.

In Paredes's case, when he was 17, he spent six days in the hospital for septic shock because an infection got into his bloodstream through the open wounds on his skin from his eczema. He could barely move his neck or his legs because his skin was in so much pain.

"It was to a point where my vitals were extremely low," he says.

What to say instead: Rather than downplay eczema, offer support to your loved one by asking them how they're feeling and if there's anything they'd like to talk about, says Lio. And, remind yourself of the mental fortitude your loved one may need in order to go through the discomfort of a flare-up or healing from one.

"It's like a runaway roller coaster in the dark: scary, unpredictable, and impossible to ignore," says Lio. "It is so much more than ‘just a rash,' and it truly affects every aspect of life, especially mental well-being."

4. ‘Why Are You Making Such a Big Deal of It?'

When it comes to things like birthday parties, field trips, or even just a playdate or social outing, people with eczema or parents of kids with eczema might need to prepare ahead of time to avoid any environmental triggers that can cause a flare-up, Moyer Darr says.

For instance, they may need to double- or triple-check whether certain foods, fragrances, fabrics, and even temperatures may be around and might sometimes ask for accommodations or adjustments to plans. That's because many things can trigger symptoms of eczema, such as pet dander, chlorine, high levels of humidity, and synthetic pillowcases and bedding.

This can sometimes lead to some pushback from the people organizing those events, especially if they're not familiar with the condition, says Moyer Darr.

"People often don't understand the impact of environmental triggers," she says. "So, when someone with eczema asks someone not to wear strong scents or when a child brings their own sheets or snacks to a sleepover, they aren't being rude or controlling. They are simply trying to manage their eczema while still enjoying activities and social interactions."

What to say instead: If a parent or friend asks you to make adjustments to an event or a social outing, try to be empathetic and understand it's to avoid triggering their or their child's symptoms, says Moyer Darr.

When making plans with a friend with eczema, it can also help to be proactive and ask, "What do you feel up to for today?" If they're in the midst of a flare-up, they may prefer to do something more low-key like watching a movie over going swimming or playing basketball outside.

5. ‘Just Stop Scratching'

People with eczema try their best to battle their reflex to scratch their skin, but it can be very difficult to avoid. Telling your friend or family member to just stop scratching when they're in the throes of a flare-up or battling an itchy rash can come off as dismissive, Lio says.

"This mostly just makes people feel more upset and doesn't really help," he says. Paredes agrees, adding that it can come off as confrontational, too.

What to say instead: When Paredes is struggling with itching, he says his close friends sometimes offer to grab an ice pack or get his lotion to help him tame his urge to scratch. "It's just an easier way to help somebody with their scratching instead of telling them to stop scratching, which they're really trying not to do," Paredes says.

6. ‘Maybe It's Something You're Eating'

One of the most common misunderstandings about the disease is the relationship between diet and eczema , especially the idea that cutting out certain foods or ingredients will make eczema go away, Lio says.

Rather, the causes of eczema involve a complicated interaction between genes, the immune system, and environmental triggers. Simply put, it's not as straightforward as avoiding certain foods.

"While there are important connections between the foods we eat and our skin, it's rarely as simple as cutting out a food or two," Lio says. "Asking about it, despite the good intentions, can make people feel like the eczema is their fault."

Parents of kids with eczema sometimes bear the brunt of comments like these, which can make them feel like they're to blame, adds Moyer Darr.

What to say instead: It might be better to ask if you can recommend a trusted allergist or dermatologist if you think a loved one is in need of food allergy testing, Moyer Darr says. But, understand their eczema or a recent flare-up likely isn't tied to dietary choices or a food allergy.

7. ‘Are You Contagious?'

Moyer Darr says she's heard some pretty awful comments made about her patients with eczema throughout her career. Sometimes they're innocent questions from curious young children, such as "Do you have chicken pox?" or "What happened to your skin?" but they can also include upsetting comments like, "Don't touch me" or implying that the person is contagious.

Eczema is not contagious, and questions and comments like these can be hurtful to someone with eczema who may be self-conscious about their skin.

What to say instead: If you're talking to a loved one and you have a genuine curiosity, you can ask them about their condition in a polite way. Sometimes, Paredes says, someone will approach him and say, "I see you have eczema. My cousin has it as well. Can you please tell me more about it?"

"Then that gives me an opportunity to advocate for eczema and for eczema patients around the world. I'm able to give that explanation to people who don't understand the full extent of it," he says.

8. ‘Your Skin Looks Bad'

If you're pointing out a flare-up or a scaly patch of healing skin as your friend is dealing with their eczema, you may be adding to their stress and hurting their self-esteem and body image. It's best to avoid making comments like these entirely.

What to say instead: It's more helpful to make comments when your loved one is having a good skin day rather than a bad one. In Paredes's case, his skin is the best it's ever been thanks to persistence and finding the right combination of treatments - and when his friends notice, it makes his day. "It's just a little comment to reassure me that I'm looking fine, that my skin's fine," he says.

"But it means a lot because there's a lot of bad days with eczema, but as eczema patients, we cherish the good days when our skin isn't flaring up," he says.

The Takeaway

When trying to support someone with eczema, it's important to be empathetic and thoughtful about your words. It's best to avoid dismissive comments or unsolicited advice, which can make a person feel misunderstood and frustrated. Instead, offering your support and understanding, asking how you can help, and listening to their needs can make a significant positive impact.

Editorial Sources and Fact-Checking

Everyday Health follows strict sourcing guidelines to ensure the accuracy of its content, outlined in our editorial policy . We use only trustworthy sources, including peer-reviewed studies, board-certified medical experts, patients with lived experience, and information from top institutions.

Sources

1. Johnson JK et al. Patient and Caregiver Perspectives on the Relationship Between Atopic Dermatitis Symptoms and Mental Health. Dermatitis . March 14, 2024.
2. Eczema. Cleveland Clinic . October 25, 2022.
3. Household Irritants and Eczema. National Eczema Society .

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Amy Spizuoco, DO

Medical Reviewer

Amy Spizuoco, DO, is a board-certified dermatologist and dermatopathologist. Dr. Spizuoco has been practicing medical, surgical, and cosmetic dermatology, as well as dermatopathology in New York City for 12 years.

She did her undergraduate training at Binghamton University, majoring in Italian and biology. She went to medical school at the New York Institute of Technology College of Osteopathic Medicine. After medical school, she completed her dermatology residency at Lake Erie College of Osteopathic Medicine–Alta Dermatology in Arizona. During that time she studied skin cancer surgery and pediatric dermatology at Phoenix Children's Hospital and attended dermatology grand rounds at the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale. After her residency, Spizuoco completed a dermatopathology fellowship at the Ackerman Academy of Dermatopathology.

She was previously an associate clinical instructor in the department of dermatology at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York City. She is on the editorial boards of Practical Dermatology and Dermatology Times .

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Carmen Chai

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Carmen Chai is a Canadian journalist and award-winning health reporter. Her interests include emerging medical research, exercise, nutrition, mental health, and maternal and pediatric health. She has covered global healthcare issues, including outbreaks of the Ebola and Zika viruses, anti-vaccination movements, and chronic diseases like obesity and Alzheimer's.

Chai was a national health reporter at Global News in Toronto for 5 years, where she won multiple awards, including the Canadian Medical Association award for health reporting. Her work has also appeared in the Toronto Star , Vancouver Province, and the National Post . She received a bachelor's degree in journalism from Ryerson University in Toronto.

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