Golf’s Random Irritations: 16 ‘Small’ Things That Wind Me Up

Golf is the greatest game/sport/hobby ever invented – I’m absolutely unequivocal about that. There’s nothing better than smashing a drive right down the middle , making a birdie out of nowhere or getting up-and-down from a seemingly impossible spot.

When you’re playing well on a fantastic golf course – in the company of friends and family and with the sun shining down on you – it simply doesn’t get any better.

However, there are some things that irk me about the game. I’m not talking about slow play or astronomical green fees here – no, I’m talking about the little things that can get under my skin on the course, at the club or while watching golf on TV. In no particular order…

‘One of those days’

The endless negativity of golfers never ceases to amaze me. You’ll often hear someone say ‘it’s going to be another one of those days, isn’t it?’ after they’ve hit one shot in their round. One! Just because you messed up on the 1st tee, it doesn’t mean the whole round is going to be a write off. It’s such a terrible, defeatist mindset.

Plugged lie in bunker

An oldie but a goodie. Is there anything more annoying than hitting a good shot, just missing the green and ending up plugged in the face? When the ball is in the air, you think you’re going to have a makeable birdie putt, but it drifts on the wind and now a bogey is your best-case scenario. Tragic.

Massive ball markers

I can’t stand those massive poker chip ball markers – they’re just so impractical. Thankfully, that craze seems to have died down a bit recently and they’re not as prevalent as they once were.

The members’ stare

Perhaps I’m being overly sensitive, but I often feel like I’m being watched like a hawk by some members when I walk into a clubhouse bar as a guest. Sometimes, it can feel like they’re looking me over and monitoring what I’m doing and saying. It’s not exactly conducive to a relaxing post-round pint.

Needless anger

If you want to get angry with yourself on the course, that’s your prerogative. But make sure you do it in such a way that doesn’t affect the group dynamic. I hate watching someone slam their club into the turf or storm off furiously after a missed putt – it just makes it awkward for everyone else.

Talking or rustling in backswing

Sometimes golfers feel compelled to have a club in their hand when they’re on the tee, even if that means pulling it out of their bag when you’re about to hit. People who lower their voice to whisper when you’re about to hit, but who are still clearly audible, drive me crazy as well. Just wait until we’re walking off the tee to share your boring anecdote.

Being conservative

Switching from driver to long-iron last minute to play sensibly and proceeding to hit one into the trees is right near the top of my list of on-course annoyances. Should have just taken the big dog!

Hollow-tined greens

I know this one is unavoidable, but paying a hefty green fee to then find out you’ll be putting on hollow-tined greens isn’t the ideal scenario. Still, sometimes it can free you up to putt more aggressively.

Two-balls in a buggy

When the golf course is busy at peak times, it grinds my gears to see people in a two-ball scooting round in a buggy and racing up behind you. It’s needlessly distracting and, in my view, lazy (obviously this statement doesn’t apply to people who need a cart to get round for whatever reason).

Re-marking from close range

I’m fully behind the idea of introducing a rule whereby players can only mark the ball once on the green. It’s tedious when an 18-handicapper leaves one three feet short, marks the ball, spends an age painstakingly making sure the line points at the target… and then misses.

‘One’

When you accidentally knock your ball off a tee, you spend the next few moments wondering which tedious individual will fill the silence with “one”. It’s almost as if your playing partners feel obliged to make this joke, even though everyone is well and truly fed up with it.

No map on scorecard

When I’m playing a course for the first time, I want an overview of the routing. However, not all clubs offer a map on the back of the scorecard, which feels like an oversight to me.

No scorecard on website

This is definitely one of my top bug bears. When I’m scouting out a course I’m playing later that day or the next morning, I want to see how long it is and how many par 3s, 4s and 5s there are. Far too many golf club websites either don’t have a scorecard or make it way too difficult to find!

Premature ‘good shot’

Just because your ball starts on line, doesn’t mean it’s going to finish on line. Hearing someone in my group say “good shot” as soon as I’ve made contact when I know I’ve imparted a huge amount of sidespin is irritating.

Commentators

I’m switching to golf on television for my last two annoyances. I can’t stand it when someone in the announcing booth says “he couldn’t walk down there and place it any better”. Yes, he could have. Wouldn’t in the hole or another 50 yards further be better? And, while we’re at it, gravity doesn’t take the ball to the hole – force and topography do!

‘A huge drive’

Every so often, you’ll hear a commentator describe a shot as “a huge drive” despite the ball going only 320 yards. In the context of modern professional hitting, that’s not a huge drive (impressive though it is). Sometimes commentary is too slow to keep up with reality.