Epilepsy: A Secret Buried Deep Within

Until a Grand Mal seizure reveals the truth

Epilepsy - The Entertainer!Photo byH. Mikel Feilen

My secret made me feel ashamed. My secret made me feel weak. My secret made me feel ugly. My secret was Epilepsy!

However, my secret was revealed to whoever was close by the moment I would have a Grand Mal seizure. Often, those who did not know of my condition would stand frozen in place and shocked.

I'm reaching out to all people who have been recently diagnosed with a seizure disorder or a veteran with the malady but is still keeping their illness a secret. H Mikel Feilen

The sight and sounds of a person convulsing are painful to watch and listen to sometimes. I have never seen myself while the monster has had its way with me but I have witnessed someone else have a seizure.

I was diagnosed with the Big-E in 1970 when I was 15 years old. Therefore, I had been dancing with the monster for about 8 years before I saw someone have a seizure.

It was in a department store when I spotted a lady wandering through the store with a look I recognized. I could tell she was about to have a seizure. She would go from display to display without really looking at anything.

She might touch the clothes but not look at them. Then she would walk slowly just staring at the air. I know this feeling! It's called the Aura phase of a Grand Mal seizure. I've been there at least a hundred times in the last 54 years.

A few short minutes after spotting the woman and watching all the signs of a person about to seize, the beast from hell came and grabbed her. I saw her head do a hard jerk to the right, pulling the rest of her body to the floor. There she began to convulse on the floor in front of me. I then witnessed for the first time what this hideous horror looks like.

I know how badly the secret sucks. Yet, I want to tell everyone out there suffering from epilepsy, "Don't keep it a secret!"

I felt shame for my imperfection. I felt weak and inferior to those without epilepsy. I felt ugly and that no one would want to love me with this unattractive disability.

I was as wrong as my first marriage!

You can have faults and still be beautiful!Photo byH. Mikel Feilen

I found that my epilepsy has helped more than it has harmed me. I know that due to my illness, I am more empathetic, passionate about life, and understanding of those struggling. My bizarre Brain Disorder art I also think is a product of the monster.

If you have seizures do not feel as if you need to hide the fact. Let people know about your malady and what they can do to help if an event happens. Many people wear medical bracelets to inform people unaware of their condition, which is an excellent idea as well.

I taught ballroom dance for almost 50 years. After having a few seizures while teaching students and scaring the dickens out of them, I realized I needed to let folks know about my epilepsy just to keep things safe and to be polite.

Friends and co-workers also need to be aware, along with new friends you meet. Don't be afraid to let people know what you have so they can enjoy the person you are.

You Are Not Epilepsy! - It is what you have.

The Epilepsy Foundation of America has great info for people wanting to learn more about the disease. Below is a chart on what to do if someone has a seizure around you.

Seizure First Aid PosterPhoto byEpilepsy Foundation of America

Reference:

Epilepsy Foundation of America - https://www.epilepsy.com/

Self - a 54-year survivor of more than one hundred grand mal seizures