Colorado woman helps families navigate loss through organization

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. (KRDO) - Dealing with the loss of a loved one can be overwhelming.

There is the funeral, the burial, the gatherings, settling their affairs, and even after all that, many people struggle with the less obvious task of going through the possessions left behind by their relatives.

However, one Colorado woman is helping them through it.

Bohne Leah is a professional organizer.

Most of the time, that means helping people declutter their bedroom closets, garages, kitchen pantries, or other crowded parts of their homes.

In the case of Paul Kayler though, she is helping him declutter his losses.

Last July, Kayler lost his son, Christian, who later became a victim of the Return to Nature Funeral Home, where nearly 200 decomposing bodies were found piled up inside a Penrose building.

Then in January, Paul lost his mom, before losing his stepfather in May.

"It has been a very difficult year for us," he says.

Paul is by no means a hoarder, but the pile of his loved ones' belongings in his loft in Fountain eventually became more than he could handle.

"It's one of those things that kind of sideswiped me also.  I didn't realize there was going to be so much stuff to go through."

And when he tried, he described it as a roller coaster.

"You're going through, and you're finding something that makes you smile, and then at the same time, it makes you tear up, you know because it's something that's from the past from people that you love,” he says.

The game-changer for Paul was seeing a post from Bohne in a Facebook group offering to help someone like him free of charge once a month.

From the number of comments that came in, it was clear the need was far greater than even Bohne predicted.

“There was such a response that I turned around and made a nonprofit out of it,” she says.

It's called Organizing Through Grief and it involves more than just cleaning up.

“It's not only going through things, but it is bringing up memories and feelings and emotions, and you're not exactly sure which direction it'll take," she says.

Paul agrees that the experience is extremely emotional.

"It'll stop you.  I mean it's still hard to look through that stuff,” she says.

Along with looking through the possession deciding what items to keep and throw out is also difficult.

“I never want someone to get rid of anything unless they're ready,” she says, “The job is about empowering their process, so someone reaches out to me, they want to do something.  I turn around and I ask them what do you want to do, and how can I help you do that?”

For Bohne, it's a way to give back, having experienced similar grief herself.

Paul acknowledges that the progress made in the cleanup is a big weight off his shoulders.

“I'm not ok.  But I will be alright,” he says.

For those who aren't lucky enough to receive help for free and can't afford to hire someone, here are a few tips from Bohne:

-Limit Distractions.  Find some time to focus exclusively on the process without being sidetracked by other talks or other people.

-Pick A Helper.  Whether it’s a relative or a friend, pick someone to help you who can keep you on task or tell you when it's time for a break.

-Break It Up.  Don't force yourself to do it all at once.  Break it up into a multi-day job if necessary.  Consider setting a date a few weeks or months down the road to go through specific groups of items like photos or jewelry that may surface during the initial cleanup.

You can connect with Bohne Leah through her website, organizingthroughgrief.com .

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