What is ‘hypergamy’ — the dating trend sweeping 40% of Americans?

What’s a ‘luxury’ in modern dating? According to a new survey, emotional connections are a ‘necessity’ in addition to being swept off their feet and exclusive experiences.

The poll of 2,000 U.S. adults found nearly half (47%) consider it “luxurious” if their date includes learning about their date’s background and having in-depth and intelligent conversations.

A further 39% believe it should include having the other person pay for the date in full.

Feeling like they’ve been “swept off their feet” was important to 65% of people, and 35% of them believe the relationship is doomed if they don’t feel swept off their feet on a first date.

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Likewise, people find it attractive when others show self-confidence (80%), have pride in what they’ve accomplished in life (75%) and go “above and beyond” for them on a first date (73%).

The study found 45% of Americans believe it’s okay to showcase success and affluence on a first date. In fact, 31% said financial success plays a major or significant factor in their attractiveness.

Commissioned by luxury dating site Seeking.com and conducted by Talker Research, the study also found many respondents are interested in modern “hypergamy” — a form of romantic attraction where one person is drawn to another who has a higher socioeconomic status than themselves, supporting and enhancing their own life.

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Forty-three percent admitted they weren’t aware of the term, yet once they learned the appropriate definition, 47% said they have a positive perception of hypergamy.

Nearly four in 10 (39%) believe finding a partner that exhibits hypergamic traits can have a major or significant contribution to their personal growth and discovery.

“When people are looking for meaningful connections and relationships, they’re looking for others that can match their intellect and have ambitions in life,” said Emma Hathorn, in-house dating and relationships expert at luxury dating site Seeking.com.

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“Showcasing those ambitions and treating dates to a taste of luxury sets the bar for the relationship, it is time to say goodbye to ordinary dating. People want to find themselves elevated — both in the conversation itself, and by being treated to something tailored to them, exclusively.”

The survey also revealed people find it attractive when others exhibit traits of a better standard of living.

Over four in 10 (42%) said having financial stability and being able to cook well were their top attractive traits. They also found having a nice home (24%), having a cultured taste in music (21%) and having a good fashion sense (20%) attractive.

Survey methodology:

This random double-opt-in survey of 2,000 general population Americans was commissioned by Seeking between May 24 and May 28, 2024. It was conducted by market research company Talker Research, whose team members are members of the Market Research Society (MRS) and the European Society for Opinion and Marketing Research (ESOMAR).

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