By Sandy Shackelford, as told to Kelly Burch
When my husband Jon and I decided to start a family about five years ago, we did the math on the cost of having a baby. If we both worked and used child care, we'd end up with slightly more money. However, we both liked the idea of having one parent stay at home. For us, the lifestyle advantages justified the financial hit, and we decided to have Jon step in as a stay-at-home dad.
Five years later, I am 100% sure we are better off having Jon stay home with our 2- and 4-year-old sons. If you're curious about making the switch from a dual income to a single one (or wondering if it's even possible), here's how we did it.
Deciding to go from two incomes to one
I have a master's degree and (at the time) made about $65,000 in a government job. My husband Jon doesn't have a degree and earned about $22,000 working in a warehouse.
We live in a fairly average cost-of-living area outside Charlottesville, Virginia. Still, we knew child care would cost almost Jon’s entire income — and we planned to have more than one kid. Finding high-quality care seemed stressful. Even if we found something, I worried about getting to day care pickup on time or having a backup plan if our child got sick. That's why we explored the idea of having one of us stay home.
How we did it
1. I cut my grocery bill by 25%.
During the pandemic, I started ordering groceries online, which saved not only a lot of time but also a fair amount of money. I pick the bags up, so there's no delivery fee or tipping. It incentivises me to plan our meals judiciously and avoid impulse purchases. This change slashed our grocery bills by about 25%, so I've kept at it.
When unexpected expenses pop up, I try to reduce the grocery budget even more by using what we have on hand. For example, if I'm planning tacos, but we're out of tortillas, I might use lettuce that's already in the fridge as wraps instead. I'm saving not only the expense of the tortillas, but also the gas for a trip to the store, plus all the impulse purchases I might make once I'm there.
2. We refinanced our mortgage and put off home renovations.
We got incredibly lucky with housing. I purchased the home we live in in 2018 for less than the appraised value. We refinanced in 2020 at a 3% interest rate, which means our monthly mortgage payment is only about $1,100. There's no way we could afford to purchase this house today.
Our house is small. There's little storage and there's kid stuff everywhere. Eventually I hope to make some improvements, but we're putting off renovations for the time being to save money. For now, I'm grateful we have a safe, comfortable and affordable house in a great area.
3. We got rid of our second car.
One big way we reduced expenses was by ditching our second car. Jon's car was older and paid off, but the maintenance costs, gas and insurance still added up. Since he didn't really need one — he and the boys are content to be home while I'm at work — we decided to cut this cost from our family budget, and it saved us about $150 each month.
4. We don't sign the kids up for pricey activities just because other people do it.
As a one-car family living in a rural area, there are some things that we just can't swing financially or logistically. Instead, we participate in free and flexible activities when I'm not using the car to get to work. We attend library storytimes and children's programming at our church about twice per week.
We check out museum passes from the library as well. There's usually a wait list, but when our names come to the top, we get to do something fun at virtually no cost to us.
For me, it's key to feel confident about our decisions. There's a lot of social pressure about how we should spend money. I realize that we aren't going to do the same things that other families are, and that's okay. We're living in a way that aligns with our priorities, and that shouldn't be disappointing to us or our kids.
5. We take budget-conscious vacations.
Initially, I really wanted to take "staycations" to save money, but I found that I couldn't relax around the house. There was just too much to do!
Instead, we still go on trips, but often for four nights at a time instead of seven. It feels like a long-enough break, but we're only paying mid-week rates on hotels and other expenses.
We travel to places that we can drive to in order to save on flights. I love taking the kids to the beach or to Great Wolf Lodge, where the main activity is included with the lodging price. We always stay in hotels where breakfast is included, and we bring sandwich supplies for packed lunches so that we only need to dine out for one meal each day.
6. We use credit card points for gifts.
I love celebrating the people I love, so gift-giving is pretty important to me. To make it work financially, we put most of our household expenses on credit cards and pay them off monthly. We then use earned points to pay for birthday and Christmas gifts. For my younger son's first birthday, I used credit card points to buy a quality water table that both boys still love and use a year later.
7. We shop secondhand.
We also love "treasure hunting" at local thrift stores and consignment sales. My son once found a $100 Paw Patrol toy for $4. The finds aren't always that good, but it's more about the adventure than the outcome.
I'll also look for clothes and shoes for our oldest (as our youngest mostly wears hand-me-downs). It's a little hit-or-miss, but I get what I can — and also shop a size or two ahead.
The long-term plan
While Jon is caring for the boys, he's also taking classes for an associate's degree in cyber security — a field he’s interested in that also has good job security. He hopes to graduate before the kids enter school. That way he can re-enter the workforce with a higher earning potential, and we can use his future income to catch up on retirement savings.
He expects to earn about $50,000 when he starts — more than double what he made before. Just as importantly, it's work that's more fulfilling for him.
As for me, I plan to focus on saving more for retirement once he starts working again. Although I'm vested in my job's plan, I haven't put as much towards it as I would have liked since we've prioritized paying down our debt.
Since we're fairly comfortable living on my income alone, I know we can continue saving and investing when we're a two-income household again.
How we're doing now
Thanks to a couple of raises and a new job (still in the public sector), I'm now making about $30,000 more than when we started our one-income lifestyle five years ago. We've used that extra money to pay off debt that we otherwise would have made the minimum payments on, including student loans and a personal loan.
Personally, I really want to be debt-free. Getting rid of monthly payments will make me feel more secure, and give us the flexibility to respond to financial surprises.
Living frugally on one income can have some minor inconveniences. Sometimes the weight of meal planning feels oppressive. Other times I'm frustrated by the lack of storage options at our small home to contain clutter.
Despite that, I wouldn't change our decision. Living on one income has allowed my sons to build an amazingly strong bond with Jon. It lets me focus on my career without worrying about whether the boys are getting the care they need. And, since this lifestyle change also allows Jon to gain a degree, it will contribute to our family's long-term financial security.
I know we're making the right choice for our family, and I understand why we're choosing this lifestyle. Being strong in your convictions about what's right for you — whether that's having one parent stay home or utilizing child care so both can work — is so important.
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