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Contact High: GH's Valentin (James Patrick Stuart) cracked wise about communicating with Anna (Finola Hughes).
There are so many clever lines uttered on soaps, and in the capable hands of many of daytime’s most dynamic actors, these sitcom-worthy lines truly tickled our collective funny bone. Here’s a sampling of the humorous dialogue that stood out to Digest editors this week.
Bold And Beautiful
(Bill and Poppy show up for lunch at Il Giardino, where Deacon asks if they want to be seated inside or outside.)
Bill: “Anywhere but the homicidal maniac section.”
(Bill introduces Luna as his daughter to Deacon.)
Deacon: “The Spencer family just got a lot better-looking.”
(Tom points to Bill dining on the Il Giardino patio.)
Tom: “Hey Deacon, who is this guy?”
Deacon: “Mr. Congeniality. It’s Dollar Bill Spencer."
Days Of Our Lives
(Leo is in a counseling session with Marlena.)
Marlena: “No one deserves to be alone.”
Leo: “How do I get past this feeling, this feeling that nobody is ever going to love the real me?”
Marlena: “At the risk of sounding trite, you have to begin by loving yourself. That comes before anybody loves you or you love anybody else.”
Leo: “Did you get that from RuPaul?”
(Theresa has a dream about her true feelings for Brady.)
Theresa: “This morning Alex said that he loved me and I said it back.”
Brady: “ Congratulations . And you felt the need to call me over and tell me this why?”
Theresa: “Because it's a lie. I don't love Alex. I love you.”
Brady: “You what? You what, after all the —”
Theresa: “Brady, I'm only with Alex because he's Victor's heir. And, you know, I've finally come to realize that I need to stop following the money and I just need to listen to where my heart is guiding me. And, oh God, it's so scary and it's risky as hell, but it's the only way.”
Brady: “I look at you and all I see is Lucy holding that football.”
General Hospital
(Gio explains why he accepted a scholarship at PCU rather than having Uncle Sonny continue paying his tuition at Fordham University.)
Sonny: “You want to pay your own way.”
Gio: “I do.”
Sonny: “Okay, I get that, because I like to make my own money. I like to be independent.”
Gio: “Well, I'm not that independent. I'm still living at the Quartermaines'.”
Sonny: “Yeah, you should get hazard pay for that.”
(Valentin attempts to make up a canceled date.)
Anna: “If you wanted to re-invite me to dinner, you could have just called.”
Valentin: “I could have, yeah.”
Anna: “Or emailed or texted.”
Valentin: “Next time, I'll send a singing telegram.”
Anna: “Oh good! Who doesn't love a singing telegram?”
(Cody and Sasha finally get some private time, only to be interrupted by Gio's late-night rehearsal at the Q boathouse.)
Cody: “What the heck is that kid doing there? Wasn't he just at Willow's birthday party? There was an open bar. It was fun. Frolic. It was really excellent cake. He just figured it was time to practice his violin?”
Sasha: “I think Gio is practicing here to not wake anybody up.”
Cody: “The estate is roughly the size of Rhode Island. He picks this spot?”
Young And Restless
(In Paris, a doctor arrives at Tucker’s hotel suite because he’s experiencing chest pains, which Audra thinks are fake.)
Audra: “Before you see the patient, I should warn you he’s just trying to pull a fast one on the board of directors. This is just a stall tactic.”
Doctor: “And why would he do that?”
Audra: “Well, he’s crazy.”
(Tucker continues to still be in pain.)
Audra: “Next time, try not looking so healthy when you’re dying.”
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