Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Biscuits and gravy shouldn’t have to be political

The author notes that the decision of Cracker Barrel to start serving beer and wine is just one of the culture war controversies affecting the popular restaurant chain. Photo: Klaus-Vedfelt/Getty-Images

It’s hard being a liberal who loves the Cracker Barrel. (Doesn’t that sound like a good title for a country song?)

The interstate staple with a trademark commitment to all things “Kountry,” Cracker Barrel is an easy target for those of my political persuasion. Comedian Bill Maher, whom I guarantee has never set foot in one, recently offered “advice for aliens visiting Earth” that included this pearl: “If you’re looking for signs of intelligent life, stay away from the Cracker Barrel.”

Hmmph. Bill Maher has never used a fat square of cracklin’ cornbread to sop the pot likker from a big bowl of turnip greens and it shows.

As to his “intelligent life” quip, maybe he should take a turn at the peg game on every table. I suspect he might find himself with the dreaded “ignoramus” rating on occasion.

As a liberal lover of Cracker Barrel, I wasn’t surprised when some of the regulars urged a boycott because the restaurant added vegan sausage to the breakfast menu. Plant-based sausage was “woke” they alleged. Like country comedian Ron White says, you can’t fix stupid.

Ditto the boycott inspired by the decision to offer beer and wine at Cracker Barrel. How, those folks wondered, could you sell “likker” so close to the Bible verse sweatshirts in the “country store” out front? (I’m not a fan of the overstuffed retail explosion with the Laura Ingalls Weirdo vibe but to each her own, I suppose…)

I don’t go to Cracker Barrel for the ambience which can best be described as “farmhouse hoarder.” The dizzying collection of farm tools and extinct gas station signs looks like something Joanna Gaines’ evil twin might have come up with to counter her sister’s simple white countertops and uncluttered “keeping rooms.”

I’m not surprised the folksy décor and merch that seems better suited to the nightstand in a nursing home is a turn-off to many diners, but it doesn’t matter. The reason I will happily break (corn)bread with folks of a mostly different political stripe is the food.

Food shouldn’t be political, of course, but everything is these days. “How can you go there?” a lib friend asked, as if I were attending a Trump rally instead of getting my ration of meatloaf and fried okra.

If you can stand one more person saying something or other is their “love language,” let me assure you mine is hash brown casserole, chicken-fried steak, collard greens, stewed apples, rice and gravy…

That kind of stuff is getting harder to find. Too bad. Bill Maher could use a little. His pasty countenance belies a diet of pea protein powder and chia seeds. Bless his heart.

Unfortunately for Cracker Barrel regulars, things aren’t looking great. CNN reported a 70 percent drop in Cracker Barrel stock over the past few years. CEO Julie Feiss Masino admits the chain is “just not as relevant as we once were.”

Masino, who should be lauded for her candor, has a plan. The menu will be tweaked, and the dining rooms will be dramatically updated. While I’m nervous as a hen on a hot griddle about menu changes, I applaud her plan to replace all those rustic lattice walls with bookcases (except in the Florida stores, I bet) and install sleek banquette seating even Bill Maher might like.

Kidding! He doesn’t like anything.

Step one of the rehab has already begun: a lower-priced menu served from 4-6 p.m. Turns out more young families like to eat earlier these days. As consumer strategist Lisa Miller put it “6 o’clock is the new 8 o’clock.”

Maybe, but every time I say, “60 is the new 40!” I totally know I’m lying.

Here’s hoping the reboot works and protesters will realize sausage can’t be “woke.” Surely we can agree all-day pancakes are never a bad thing.

The post Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: Biscuits and gravy shouldn’t have to be political appeared first on NC Newsline .