A man has been defended after he refused to help his friends because they didn’t invite him to their wedding.
In a recent post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” Reddit forum, a man explained how he’s been close to his friend – who he referred to as John – for nearly 11 years. He then detailed how their friendship has continued to develop more recently.
“We met at a job in my mid 20s and were pretty regular company up until the pandemic, where our hanging out (including a circle of mutual friends) has taken a decline but isn’t extinct,” he wrote.
He noted that his friend has been with his partner – who he referred to as Jane – for nearly eight years, with the pair getting engaged two years ago. The Reddit also acknowledged that while he’s supported John at different points, he’s been a helping hand to Jane too.
“I’ve helped them out with other projects/tasks over the years and most recently picked up Jane from the airport returning from a work-trip and got her home this past winter during a snowstorm because my vehicle could handle it,” he continued. “Generally, I have been present and helpful on top of our base friendship.”
However, he recently found out from a mutual friend that John and Jane are planning their wedding, with “everyone in [their] circle” invited to the nuptials except for him. He noted that since he’s been isolated from his straight friends in the past, as someone who identifies as gay, he was encouraged to evaluate how he spends his “time and energy with people.” He also added that after not being invited to John’s wedding, he decided to distance himself from John.
However, he wrote that John then reached out and asked him if he’d be around over the summer to look after his animals and property. After the Reddit user denied the request, he got on a phone call with John - during which he revealed why he wouldn’t help him out.
“After a moment of silence, I bring up that I’m disappointed that I appear to be the only person in our group of friends not invited to his wedding, and that I can’t be helping like I have before if I’m just a background friend at this point,” he recalled. “I wrap up the call positively and sincerely with me wishing them a good wedding and trip, and that maybe we can grab drinks soon.”
He then noted that he was contacted by Jane, who said that her fiancé was upset about what was said and at her, “since she made the final calls about friend invites.” He continued to recall how his conversation with Jane went, noting that she still encouraged him to help John out.
“[She said] I am taking this the wrong way, there is only so much capacity and that the others in our friend group have partners that took up space. She adds that she hopes I’ll change my mind and help them out because it would put John’s mind at ease,” he added.
The post has quickly gone viral, with more than 15, 000 upvotes. In the comments, multiple people defended the Reddit user after he refused to help John, while criticizing the couple for how they’ve treated their friend.
“What a bogus excuse. If your ‘friends’ need someone to check up on their animals and property when they are on their honeymoon after a wedding you weren’t invited to, they can ask another friend or family member. The audacity of some people astounds me. I am a believer in putting the same energy into a friendship as you experience,” one person responds.
“This sounds like a really one sided friendship and that they are taking your friendship for granted. Why would you keep putting time and energy into them?” another wrote.
“He expects you to be here for him, but he wasn’t there for you. They couldn’t find one more place [at the wedding]? I don’t blame you for being hurt,” a third commented. “Let John find other people to check on his place and his animals.”
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