Custard creams, bad acting and THAT question: a lost afternoon with former England manager Gareth Southgate

Somewhere, somehow, there exists video footage of me ‘acting’ alongside Gareth Southgate. A real *record-scratch* *freeze frame* ‘Yep, that's me. moment.

In July 2017 I found myself standing alone with Gareth Southgate in the darkened corridor of a Vauxhall car dealership on the outskirts of Milton Keynes. Southgate had been England manager for eight months. We were waiting to be introduced onto a temporary stage where I interviewed him, in front of cameras and 50 or so people. At this stage in my career, I had next to no presenting experience.

Pressure? Pressure is for tyres! To this day the smell of rubber and Turlewax brings me out in a cold sweat. Thankfully, Gareth Southgate turned out to be one of the nicest people I've ever met.

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My surreal afternoon with Gareth Southgate began with a phone call roughly 10 days prior. I was working at BBC Match of the Day magazine at the time and an agency I knew, who activated sponsorship for Vauxhall (then the main sponsors of the England team), rang me.

Gareth Southgate was set to make an appearance at a dealership in Milton Keynes and they were bussing in a coachload of kids from local teams to meet him and take part in a Q&A. BBC Match of the Day magazine is a kids’ football publication and the agency thought I might have the experience to handle an interview with the England manager and the personality to steer a kids’ Q&A.

I might’ve been confident handling these two situations separately, but the prospect of doing them together had me fairly terrified. After checking the email wasn’t an elaborate phishing scam I accepted and pushed the dread to the back of my mind.

If memory serves, details of the event were fairly limited until the actual afternoon itself when I arrived at the location. There were already a lot more people there than I had anticipated, camera crews, fussy PR types, dealership staff – the 50 or so parents and kids hadn’t even arrived yet.

I hadn't realised Vauxhall wanted to film the event and set it up as a skit as if Southgate was attending a proper press conference with a ‘reveal’ that the assembled media was actually a pack of nine-year-olds rather than some crusty journalists. This meant myself and the England manager would need to act out some ‘scenes’ on camera when he arrived.

I politely nodded and tried not to pass out.

One of the main scenes involved me opening a door to a room containing just Southgate, looking him in the eye and saying “We’re ready for you, Mr. Southgate” and him replying “Okay, Matt”, then following me out of the room.

But before anyone could shout “action” there was a 20-minute window on the schedule for me and Gareth to 'break the ice'. Yes, I had to do small talk with the England manager for 20 minutes. Utterly surreal. Thankfully he helped matters by arriving and calmly being the nicest man in the world.

As I plucked questions out of the sky Southgate did that intense staring and nodding thing he does. Subjects veered from journalism and magazines to Southgate’s godson, Freddie Woodman , who at the time was a young goalkeeper at Newcastle who I support. “He needs to get himself out on loan”. Look at me, teaching Woodman’s godfather to suck eggs.

Southgate was like a head of state, making everyone in his presence feel important. It was impressive to watch. Desperate to keep conversation flowing I speculatively name-dropped my stepfather, Glyn, a part-time scout for The FA who does reports on young goalkeepers in the North of England.

Southgate’s face lit up, he knew him and asked how he was. He’d remembered Glyn from a young player audit meeting they’d both been at St George’s Park. I found it genuinely lovely that he remembered him.

Soon two young competition winners arrived in the make-shift green room to meet Southgate. The younger one was particularly nervous, but Southgate was especially kind to him and very funny in their interactions, making a point of using their first names and generally being the nicest man in the world.

After they left, myself and Southgate filmed some more scenes (that I hope have been destroyed). By now the dealership is filling up and we’re almost ready to begin.

We were both fitted with those cheek mics you see on X-Factor and told to wait in the corridor while the audience were seated. Myself and the England manager stood in a corridor for five or so minutes, unable to speak as we’re wearing live microphones.

When we take to the stage Southgate fields the first ‘planted’ question: “What’s your favourite biscuit”. This was the ice-breaker designed to reveal that this wasn’t the usual, serious press conference an England manager is subjected to, but in fact an audience of kids.

That said, some of the questions weren’t exactly straightforward: “How many hours does a footballer need to practice to get better?”, “Do you have nightmares about your penalty miss?” Each were fielded with humility and in a tone and language suitable for children, with some tongue in cheek moments for the adults in the room.

The latter question for example involved Southgate laying out the context of Euro ‘96 for the audience as it will have happened before any of them were born.

At the end of the Q&A Southgate was presented with a gift: a packet of custard creams (his favourite biscuit) which he found funny. After this, the event turned into an autograph and picture session with every single person in the building getting a bit of his time.

I made my way to the dealership's reception area where I was kindly passed a much-needed cold beverage by someone on the agency and debriefed with them and some members of The FA’s media team. Everyone seemed happy.

With the last autograph signed and the last selfie snapped, Southgate and the throng walked past us at the exit. He stopped, turned and beelined back for me. “Well done mate,” he said, shaking my hand. “Say hello to Glyn for me”.

Pure class.

The 2018 World Cup was a year away, and I remember thinking how badly I wanted him to do well having now met him. I genuinely worried for him, knowing full well what the pressure and expectation would be like, and what had happened to England managers prior.

He did alright in the end.

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