The best advice is saved for later

Sage wisdom comes to us when we least expect it. It can even take years for it to finally make sense. But when it does, it’s profound.

Nearly two decades ago, my neighbor and friend, Dan Kenney, handed me a nugget of advice that I’ve kept in my pocket since. I’ve even shared it with some people when the opportunity presented itself.

“SW, SW, SW.”

Dan and I were working together at UNCP. He was the athletic director, and I was the alumni director, and I was working on a trip to send some folks on a trip to see the basketball team play an exhibition game, and I was having trouble drumming up interest.

When I went to see him, I was noticeably frustrated that I wasn’t hitting the numbers I’d hoped to, and I was quickly becoming discouraged. Dan told me not to worry too much about it, and then he added something.

“SW, SW, SW,” he said. “Some will, some won’t, so what…”

To my chagrin, Dan’s advice didn’t solve my problem. Not then at least. But years later, I unpacked his words, discovered the lesson in them, and found a more practical application for them.

It’s great universal advice that works with people, places, things and situations. It’s the kind of advice you can’t pay enough for even though it’s free and inexpensive.

What Dan was saying, in so many words, was not to worry any more than necessary. Or as the ancient Roman philosopher Seneca said, “He suffers more than necessary, who suffers before it is necessary.”

We do the best we can, we prepare as well as possible, and things will go how they’re going to go. You just need to have faith that things will go the way they will, regardless of how much we wish for things to be different.

Everyone has someone in their lives who said something to us that was so insightful that it’s never left us; in fact, it’s risen to the surface just when we needed it most, even if at the time we had no idea what it meant.

I don’t remember how old I was – my 20s at least – when my grandfather imparted wisdom upon me that has remained with me for more than 30 years. I can’t even remember what I was doing at the time, but I must have looked as if I had no clue what I was doing.

“The only people who tinker with things are watchmakers and fools. Which one are you?”

My grandfather was a man of few words, but I learned that when he spoke, it was worth the listen.

I was puzzled when he said it. What an unusual thing to say. The problem was that I wasn’t thinking more broadly. I didn’t see all the possibilities for which this wisdom could apply. What I took from it was that there are some things that I just need to let someone else do. I’m not a mechanic, so when I need my car worked on, it’s better – and cheaper – to let someone who knows what they’re doing handle it.

One of the ironies of life is that we don’t prepare for it, we just do it. We learn as we go. You can get a lot of knowledge from books, but the understanding that carries the most value is that which we learn through living, making mistakes and learning from them. And every now and then, the mentor you never saw coming shows up to save the day, or at least spare you from future grief.

Is there a moral to be learned? Sure. Perhaps – in my grandfather’s case – it’s best to leave some things to the experts. In Dan’s case – don’t let your expectations outweigh your enthusiasm. Remember…SW, SW, SW.

James Bass is the director of the Givens Performing Arts Center. Reach him at [email protected] .