Here's How Much Getting Divorced Really Costs

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Back in the day, before I came to my senses, I was a litigation lawyer. The beautiful part about law is that, ideally, you get to flex your brain, try and help people, and boost your checking account balance in the process. The ugly part of the law is that that is not always the case.

For me, the ugly part was especially true when it came to family law. I had just one divorce case my entire legal career. But it was so negative, so expensive for my client, so emotionally draining on him and his soon to be ex-spouse, and, frankly, me, that it was one of the reasons I retired from that profession.

If you are getting divorced, or are contemplating it, the good news is that it can be as expensive or as affordable as you and your partner decide, and the expensive divorce, which can be upward of six figures, is rarely worth it.

Here are the costs associated with a divorce, and how to mitigate them.

Contested vs. amicable divorce

It needs to be noted up front that, of all of the possible expenses detailed below, the main cost of a divorce largely depends on whether it's contested or amicable (to the extent possible.) An amicable, uncontested divorce is what it sounds like: the couple endeavors to work together and resolve all issues amicably. Now, if you are getting divorced, that is often no easy feat, but it's the key one if you want to keep costs down.

Why? Because lawyers are expensive.

When a couple fights about custody, or splitting property, alimony, and all the rest, it can easily cost tens of thousands each (according to Forbes, the average cost of a contested divorce is between $15,000 and $20,000). An uncontested divorce can range from $500 to $1,500. Whether it is contested or amicable, every divorce begins with court filing fees. These vary by state, but typically range from $100 to $400.

Hiring a lawyer

Yes, I am suggesting you should be working toward an amicable settlement, but that is not always possible. And even if you decide to work together, you are almost assuredly going to need a lawyer. In a contentious divorce, the lawyer will be filing motions, making court appearances, negotiating with the other side, and so on. These costs all add up.

Example: When I was a young lawyer, my boss encouraged me to rack up the "10s." What's a 10? It was the minimum time I could charge for any work -- 10 minutes. So even if I only left my client a voicemail that took 30 seconds, we would charge her for 10 minutes of my time. At $200/hour, that voicemail cost about $34.

Hourly rates for divorce attorneys vary widely, from about $150 to upward of $500 per hour, depending on experience and location. One way to keep these costs down is by finding a lawyer who charges a flat fee for the whole thing -- say, $5,000.

Custody battles

If children are involved and the ex-partners cannot agree on a custody arrangement, expect costs to skyrocket -- custody battles are expensive. Legal fees can easily range from $5,000 to $40,000. Other related costs can be counseling for the kids (or you), psychological evaluations for you and your spouse, and court-ordered mediation.

Costs of selling the family home

If the family home is sold as part of the divorce settlement, in order for one partner to pay the other for instance, there are costs to consider. Real estate agent commissions, typically 5% to 6% of the sale price, closing costs, and possible capital gains taxes can all add up.

Finally, there are other possible housing costs to consider, things like moving expenses, setting up a new household, and refinancing loans. These can add up to several thousand dollars, depending on your situation.

Post-divorce costs

Unfortunately, receiving a final divorce decree will likely not be the end of your divorce expenses. Post divorce costs may include:

• Alimony
• Child support
• Child care

How to save money on your divorce

While divorce is rarely cheap, there are ways to mitigate costs:

• Having a prenuptial agreement: This can simplify the divorce process and expenses significantly.
• Do it yourself: For amicable splits, DIY divorce kits and online services can cost as little as $300.
• Don't fight : Again, to the extent possible, work with your spouse to reach an agreement quickly and out of court.
• Hire a mediator: Finally, mediation can save thousands in legal fees and foster a more amicable relationship post-divorce. Mediation typically costs between $100 and $300 per hour -- far less than paying for hours of a lawyer's time.

Understanding these costs can help you plan and potentially reduce the budgetary burden of your divorce. Remember, the key to minimizing costs is cooperation and getting solid professional advice to navigate the process effectively.

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