Photo byMarcela LaskoskionUnsplash

This was originally published on Medium, republished with the author's permission.

Back when I was in college, I was huge into music — especially goth music. I’d listen to all my favorite bands, like VNV Nation and Echo and the Bunnymen. While my library kept growing, I couldn’t help but notice something odd.

Aside from a handful of major names, most of my music was sung by men. It was strange, because I enjoyed singing along to musicians. It gave me a little stress relief and gave me a way to pretend I was in a music video.

As a girl, I assumed there weren’t many women in my music collection because women just didn’t have enough talent. Or, perhaps, they just didn’t want to see their names in lights.

Little did I know that I was just starting to notice a pattern that would become a center-stage issue in my life.

Getting married to a DJ was an eye-opener.

Have you ever had a moment where your perception of things did a slow 180? I did. Marrying someone working in EDM changed my perception of music people — and their sexism.

As someone who works as a marketer, I know how to get the word out about people. I would offer his friends advice. Without fail, his music buddies would blink at me and wave me out of the room as if I were an idiot.

My husband would look at them with an annoyed expression on his face. He sometimes would pull them aside and tell them to be a little less rude to me.

It was then I realized most of the music pros I knew only liked me for my looks.

My role in the scene quickly faded from a single woman capable of being a fling to no one when a ring got placed on my finger. Even people who I knew for over a decade stopped talking to me. It got to the point where I stopped attending parties because I felt so lonely there.

My husband mentioned that one of our friends was feeling low about his career. So, I messaged him. When I offered encouragement to him, he asked me, “Why are you talking to me?”

When I’d offer advice, I’d watch people blink and go back to talking. Moments later, a man would say the same thing. Everyone would applaud him for the brilliant idea. Eventually, I stopped bothering with advice.

The discrimination isn’t just directed toward me. Female performers had an even larger target on their heads. If I had a dollar for every time I heard a salty DJ accuse a female DJ of “flings for a gig,” I’d have at least enough for dinner at Per Se.

Recently, I hit my breaking point and openly admitted that I no longer want any involvement in my husband’s career or with his EDM friends. I couldn’t take the disrespect and exclusion.

What’s wild is that I wasn’t even a professional in the field. I just wanted to be part of the same crowd that used to like me.

My story is not a rarity, but rather, the rule.

Photo byvia Skoove

If you’re a woman who wants to be the next Taylor Swift or Ariana Grande, I have bad news for you. Skoove, a digital piano teaching company, recently released a report exposing the sexism in the music industry — and it was an eye-opener.

The report revealed several shocking statistics that few people seem to want to admit, including:

• Approximately 80 percent of Spotify’s Top 1000 are men or male-lead bands. The other 20 percent consists of women and nonbinary people.
• Only about 1 in 4 singers in America are women. That’s according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. This is not due to a lack of want, either…
• 70 percent of female producers, 68 percent of performers and 57 percent of music creators believe their gender adversely affected their employment chances. I also want to point out that as much as 82 percent of women experienced different treatment due to gender.
• Out of 1260 music producers in studios, only 65 were women or nonbinary. That means that music production is a 95 percent male industry. That puts it alongside mining, construction, and roofing in terms of gender inequality favoring men.
• Only 3.1 percent of sound engineers are women. That makes it about as male-dominated as plumbing and pest control.

Women were also greeted with more criticism around their bodies, less exposure than their male counterparts, and fewer booking opportunities than men.

The genre of music also made a big difference. EDM is the most woman-friendly genre, while hip-hop, Christian, rock, Latin, and metal actually fared the worst in the study.

What I’m saying is that most women are not going to be able to get the same opportunities as men if they pursue music. It’s not their fault, but rather, the fault of one of the world’s biggest Boys’ Clubs.

The men at the top made things clear by the way women are treated in music. This is a Boys’ Club and if you’re a girl, you’re not going to have a fun time trying to break into the field.

The numbers suggest that things are changing for the better.

Photo byvia Skoove

Bad as it is now, things used to be even worse — and this is something I can personally attest to. I was a groupie back when I was in my 20s, and I met my husband while at a festival. I've seen how badly performers were treated even 10 years ago.

Statistics in Skoove’s report showed a growing number of female acts across the board. As someone in the EDM scene, I’m aware that many music acts are now seeing their own #metoo moments — including big names like Datsik, Diplo, and Diddy.

Photo bySkoove

If you take a look at this chart, you’ll see a lot more official recognition of female talent as years pass. This is a start, but the music industry has a long way to go.

I’ve seen the way people treat DJ wives. I’ve seen how excluded I felt when I offered my two cents to people struggling in their careers — even when it was just words of encouragement.

Frankly, the women who manage to make it big in any music scene deserve so much more adoration than we as a collective give them. They face rude remarks, disdainful managers, body shaming, and even assault.

If my daughter chooses to pursue a career in music, here’s what I would tell her to do.

If I decided to actually develop a sense of rhythm and try my hand at music, I’d hide my gender, my face, and every inkling of who I was for as long as I humanly could. I’d use YouTube’s algorithm and Spotify promotions to get my music out.

When I’d need male vocals, I’d get a male vocalist or a sample pack. Anyone who worked with me would have to sign an NDA not to reveal my identity. once I get enough traction to get 50,000 followers or more, I’d do a face reveal.

And meanwhile? I’d work my butt off to network with women in the business. After all, it will be women, not men, who end up fighting hard to see other ladies on the next big festie lineup.

Go ahead. Ask me how I know.