At 55 years old, a Mantorville grandpa didn’t foresee himself changing diapers and dropping kids off at daycare.
His plans in life were dramatically reshaped when he and his wife decided to adopt their two grandsons after their daughter landed in drug court. His sister adopted their granddaughter, keeping all the children in the family.
Joe, the grandfather, was one of several panelists who shared their stories Friday, the opening morning of MNPrairie County Alliance’s two-day Kinship Conference. Hosted at the Owatonna Eagles Club, the conference was attended by child welfare professionals from Scott, Ramsey and Rice counties, among others. The event was supported by a grant from the Minnesota Department of Human Services.
Last names of speakers at the conference were not provided, in order to protect family privacy.
MNPrairie is a multi-county agency that provides community services to Steele, Waseca and Dodge County.
MNPrairie Program Manager Patricia Harrelson enlisted Denise Goodman and Maureen Heffernan, two Ohio-based consultants who present nationally on child welfare, to offer their expertise for the conference. The two work together and independently, and have collaborated for over 30 years.
Heffernan said there’s been a growing appreciation for kinship caregiving as opposed to traditional foster care.
“The foster care system has kind of come back to realizing that that’s usually the best thing for kids,” she said.
However, it can be incredibly demanding on caregivers, who have to learn how to access the support services they need and address the trauma many children have previously experienced.
“I think they need to recognize and learn to cope in a healthy way with all the changes that are happening to them,” said Goodman.
MNPrairie brought a panel from its service area together to share a variety of experiences with kinship caregiving.
Karen and Stephanie, mother and daughter, shared their story together. When addiction threatened Stephanie’s custody of her four children, her mother stepped in, fostering and later adopting them. They agree it was the best option for them, but it was challenging for both.
“I was mad,” said Stephanie. “Because I did that to my kids. I was grateful that they weren’t going to be placed in New York, which was an option at one point.”
“It was a struggle, because I felt like I was hurting her by taking her kids from her,” added Karen. “I was torn, because I needed to make sure those kids were safe. I didn’t want them placed with strangers where we would never, ever be able to see them again.”
Stephanie celebrated the fact that she is now three years sober, and has custody of her youngest child. The whole family lives together.
Jacob and Carley shared a very different experience. The two were acquainted through Jacob’s sister dating Carley’s son. When Jacob’s father died, Carley stepped in to help with the celebration of life. Seeing him struggle in the foster system, Carley welcomed him into her home. It didn’t take long for her to decide to adopt him.
“He’s a great kid. He just needed a little guidance, of course, being in his situation,” said Carley.
“I was a little knucklehead when I was younger,” added Jacob, now 20.
Harrelson said the morning discussion would provide a foundation for the rest of the event as Goodman and Heffernan led attendees through group activities. She said the two-day conference took a year of planning, noting that finding a venue was challenging until they identified the Eagles.
She was pleased to see the result of all that work.
“I feel good about it. People seem engaged,” she said, adding that she hopes what attendees learn will ultimately benefit kids around the sate.
While Goodman and Heffernan tout the value of kinship caregiving, they noted not all kids have someone in their live who can care for them, and there’s still a need for foster parents.
“We really encourage people to come forward as foster parents to help in this effort,” said Heffernan.
“Every kid needs a family,” added Goodman.
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