Why People Hate It When You Succeed

Herd mentality, compassion and individuality

Women LaughingPhoto by Yaroslav Shuraev

It hurts when people you care for talk negatively about you. It feels like betrayal. Like a knife at your throat, a hole in your back. Especially when you’ve been there for them, always putting their feelings and needs before yours.

Most of us become bitter with such realizations. We close ourselves to those responsible for our pain, feel angry about their behavior — condemn them in some way, and rarely, openly communicate with them.

Fights result, or we remain passive-aggressive until they do, and all we’ve been holding back for so long simply bursts out into their face.

As a species, we’re very much connected. Even if some of us prefer solitude or live in small groups, we’re wired to be social.

As an example, we’re biased when something is “popular.” We prefer watching videos with millions of views instead of those with tens of them. We shop and buy stuff with the most reviews. And so on.

We could therefore be the smartest, most-evolved human being, and yet, we’d still be moving with our fellow human beings. Deep in the unconscious, because our survival once depended on it — we value the group, what it thinks of us, whether we’re loved by people or not, and so on.

And it’s fine. There’s no shame in this.

The humbler we are, the more honest we become with ourselves, and the quicker we learn our lessons.

Unfortunately, most people lack humbleness; they pretend to be rebels, to be their “authentic” selves — but that’s just a reaction to the pain that results from resisting things as they are, and persisting in the wrong direction.

Such reaction might give them some darkness that makes them attractive, but deep inside they’re always hurt, and lonely.

Thankfully, some souls are wiser, and at some point in their path, they hit this wall, where despite doing all they can — people still talk & think negatively about them.

While there’s the habitual response of becoming bitter and reacting aggressively — seeing how repetitive and absurd it is — they choose to discard it, and live differently.

And it’s only at that point that true compassion can be born, the one that comes out of understanding human nature, how hurt most people are, and how that hurt — which they’re not consciously aware of — serves as a soil out of which all the darkness mankind has created sprouts out from.

“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Of course, this has nothing to do with pretending all is fine and putting yourself to sleep with spiritual platitudes. That’s plain denial and it’ll come out later. True understanding can only happen with total acceptance of whatever takes place.

But even more importantly, it’s at such a point that we truly learn to stand on our own feet, and start to walk as an individual, in a world dominated by herd mentality. It’s the “waking up from the dream” phase.

As tempting as our old ways are, we always have the choice to act differently. And it’s through our choices, that we learn. Most of them keep us stuck in negative loops. But if we’re persistent, we’ll be given opportunities to choose differently — and when we do — we’re reborn.

We’ve been living in denial for too long. Resisting life pushes the pain deeper. And the deeper it goes, the more dysfunctional we become. While Life loves us, and is patient with us, beyond our current comprehension, we’re here for a reason — to learn our lessons, and make the best use of the time we have here.