We must be accepted by society, seen as good people, given a place in exclusive groups, maintain relationships with the ‘elite’— all of it to ensure our safety, and thus, our survival.
So we’re taught from an early age to behave, to conform, to show good manners, to be polite. We love our parents, we want their validation, we want to please them — so we try to live up to their expectations.
Slowly, but surely, their demands germinate within the fertile soil of our mind. A pattern is formed. If we behave, others will like us. By conforming to what has been asked of us, we learn to put our needs aside, behaving like little good children up to old age.
What we don’t realize at this point is that in being obedient to our craving for conformity — we lose every bit of our individuality — choice, what makes us different from every other life forms.
We have desires just like every other human being. We have needs that are natural. We are human beings after all, so we go through the human experience. We meet people, we form relationships, we build our lives.
For each one of these relationships or situations, we have different expectations.
At work.
We so work hard. We imagine our boss must’ve cancelled all her appointments, forgot about her deadlines — just to take a break, and fantasize about how good of an employee we are, and how crucial our contribution to the company is.
In love.
We’re always giving. We’re always telling her how important she is to our life. We’re always texting ‘I love you’, and stretching our imagination while ‘sexting’ to impress her. With all we’ve done, we imagine she can’t live without us. Perhaps her days are spent thanking the Lord for having met us.
With our idol.
We’re always buying whatever she offers. We’re supportive. Overly supportive. We send her long emails about intimate stuff. We’re so kind and personal with an indifferent, but polite person. She must love us more than our pet.
And so on.
Eventually, everything we have given is never returned. In fact, the more we gave, the less we got in return. Why? Don’t ask me. I don’t know. Who’s there to answer tough questions in our darkest moments anyway?
We inhale, and exhale for a reason. Life is about exchanges through one another. And without a healthy exchange — we suffocate. We blame people/situations. We say ‘f*ck’ society, we cut ties, we close ourselves. Our coldness is venerated as ‘realism’. Our isolation as ‘wisdom’. And little by little — a life that sprouted out of pure excitement is uprooted by the hands of ‘faith’ — or at least, that’s what we think.
Most people spend their lives this way.
We could blame the people they meet and say that they’re ‘evil’. And they may be. We could blame the circumstances, and say that it’s bad luck. And it may be.
Unfortunately, this is also what most people do.
We’re not saying that bad people don’t exist or that difficult situations are illusions, that’d just be denial. What we’re saying instead is, until when will we give our power away — to people and situations?
We’re wired to pay attention to our surroundings. Since childhood, we’re given a break at home, but outside — we’re taught to behave accordingly. This whole dynamic teaches us that what’s out there is more important than what’s in here — in our heart and mind, how we think and feel.
By being so neglecting of our inner world, we lose touch with our essence — with what makes us. We give so little importance to who we truly are that, unhappiness and unfulfillment become the norm.
We accept being, and feeling miserable.
When I look at the Sun, I see pure, childlike excitement. When I look at how cats sleep while never giving a damn about what you think, I see absolute enjoyment of life. When I see eagles opening their wings just to be pushed around by the wind, I see fun. When I listen to birds, how exciting and interesting their conversations must be! And when I look at a dog, I ask him/her ‘Can’t you ever be sad? Not even for a second? Try harder at least!’.
If life, in all its intelligence and magnificence, chose to incarnate itself as a human being — through you, me, and everyone else — it was for the cheer excitement of it, to have fun too.
Your needs are crucial to your wellbeing. Your desires are crucial to your wellbeing. What you think, how you feel — it’s crucial to your wellbeing. Why on Earth should they be suppressed?
We all make the erroneous assumption that by shutting ourselves, people will accept us. This is absurd. When we don’t express ourselves fully, we’re clearly unhappy.
We can try to fantasize our way around this unhappiness by giving ourselves the rewards we crave through others — in our imagination — but we quickly realize that people don’t return our favors. They’re not supposed to. We can then drown ourselves in anger and anguish, but we know that it’ll never lead us to peace.
What will then? What other choice do we have?
We’re given this body and this mind. They’re tools we must learn to use. And of their uses, communicating is the main one. There is no life without relationships. The Sun, the Earth, oxygen, carbon dioxide, family, friends, romance, etc. Life is relationships. And to bring that experience to a new level — we’ve been granted the ability to communicate with each other.
This can never be said enough. We’re all thrown in this crazy race, and we must learn as we go through it. If we truly accept this fact, we get back all our power. We stop blaming other people or situation for whatever misfortune we’ve experienced. And we start using the opportunity to learn from one another to its maximum potential.
Maybe someone did something wrong, maybe some situations are challenging, maybe luck’s not on our side today. It’s okay. It happens. It’s a fact that a lot of us are learning at our own rhythm. We’re not here to play the messiah. We own ourselves, our lives, our feelings, our thoughts.
If we feel angry, we’re responsible for it. If we’re in love, we’re responsible for it. If we feel hopeful, we’re responsible for it. If we have expectations, we’re responsible for them. We have to communicate with others.
People are not supposed to be psychics that read our desires without us saying a word. While it’s obvious — most of us assume others actually know exactly what we want without us communicating those wants. This is incorrect. Others are human beings just as we are. No one will know what we want unless we tell them—unless we communicate.
Note:There are obviously cases in which we become so familiar with some people that they just know what we need. Nevertheless, unless it happens with a boss, a client or an ‘idol’, it’s not relevant here.
Breaking news.
Life’s not easy, but it’s beautiful. And you deserve to experience it in all its beauty. We’re all on the same journey. We all have a lot of work to do. But there’s no need to go crazy about it. We have all we need to begin right now. One step at a time.
Your brother, Rabih.
As a final note.
If you’ve been meditating, using affirmations and thinking positively for a while now, without necessarily integrating spiritual truths at a soul level even though you understand them intellectually — I’ve written a book to help you understand the main blocks to true spiritual growth, and how to overcome them. I'm sure you're tired of "knowing" about God because you can't wait to experience God. That's what we explore in Spiritual Transition. Give the book a look here.
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