Opinion: A Father’s Day Reflection from a Man Who Became a ‘Father on Purpose’

A Father’s Day story echoed throughout my life from my very first day.

The story goes I was born June 20 on Father’s Day, the first boy-child in my family, named after my father to make it crystal clear I was my father’s son, his Father’s Day gift in 1953. It also meant I arrived with a host of high expectations to live to up to as Donald Wells Jr., expectations that still shape me all these years later.

Donald Wells, Sr. was and is my father. Unmistakably and unshakably.

He was also father to my five siblings, to our cousins and friends, to all the neighborhood children who crossed his path and invited into the Wells family circle. Everyone was welcome, no one ignored, and his great expectations for all of us always seemed set just beyond what we thought we could reach.

When I grew up, limited opportunities and expectations for Black children were the norm in our country, enforced by law in my hometown of St. Louis. My father’s response was to prepare us for the reality we would face in the world, to counter the story of our limitations with alternate stories of accomplishment that challenged us to recognize our full potential, and to create an empowering community we could count on to believe in us, support us, and celebrate us at every milestone achieved.

My father did what we need all fathers to do. Prepare us. Challenge us. Empower us. Show up.

It might seem that such a clear and positive role model for fatherhood would lead me to follow in his footsteps with a family of my own. Although, I did mentor and coach, I never felt the urge to have and raise children myself, possibly choosing that as my defining difference to avoid becoming a mere copy of a man I admired in so many ways.

I, Donald Wells Jr., had no children.

Then I met Belen. She was 8 years old when my wife and I became Belen’s mentors. Only a few months later, she was placed in foster care in San Diego — not for the first time — and a shift began. I became determined to do for her what my father had done for me. To show up.

I managed to stay in her life first as an emergency foster parent, then as an advocate for her education rights, and always as a consistent mentor. One day, Belen asked me a simple question after three years of connection as we watched her favorite movie together for the tenth time: “Why are you still here?”

I had never asked that question of my father. In that moment I thought, “No young person should ever need to.”

They should always have someone they know they can count on. To prepare them for life. To challenge them to dream. To empower them to be their best selves. To show up.

That moment led me to Just in Time for Foster Youth in San Diego, a nonprofit helping 3,000 young people annually to transition out of the child welfare system after 18, providing the critical resources and essential relationships they need to become confident, capable and connected.

I understand now the deeper meaning of my father’s legacy. To become fathers on purpose for every young person we encounter. Preparing. Mentoring. Challenging. Coaching. Empowering.

Let this be the Father’s Day when you re-commit to showing up. Find a nonprofit. Reach out to a school. Look for a sports league or visit a local community centers.

In 2022, my wife and I adopted Belen, our Daughter on Purpose, at the age of 31. I am my father’s son and now Father on Purpose to many.

It doesn’t matter that I eventually discovered I was born the day before Father’s Day.

Don Wells is chief empowerment officer of Just in Time for Foster Youth, a nonprofit that serves young people out of the foster care system after age 18 who leave without a safety net or a family to assist with their transition to adulthood.