Michelle Obama Shares Her Mantra on Parenting — Including Letting Her Daughters ‘Hurt & Fail’

After 26 years of parenting, former First Lady Michelle Obama knows a thing or two about raising kids. In a new interview, she shared one important motherhood mantra she had with daughters Malia, 26, and Sasha, 23, who she shares with former President Barack Obama. Her strategy feels a little odd at first, but when she breaks it down, it makes so much sense.

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The Light We Carry authorsat down with Melinda French Gates in a new interview on her The Moments That Make Us podcast shared on TikTok . Michelle said that she felt like she was raising “people” instead of raising “babies,” which means she approached it differently. “You start thinking, you know, do I send them off in the world and follow them and fix every problem for them because I don’t want them to hurt? Well, not seeing your kids hurt, that’s for me. You know, but letting your kids hurt and fail and recover on their own and own their victories, well that’s for them.”

Aww man! Let that sink in for a second. Protecting your kids from failure and harm feels good for your mama heart, but letting them experience that disappoint and face the natural consequences of their mistakes actually helps them grow as people. I wouldn’t be who I am without the hard things I went through, so why would I deprive my kids of facing tough situations themselves?

In the interview, the mom of two continued, “Because that’s what they’re doing right now, and I’m not with them. So I was intentional about understanding that my girls were not gonna be with me forever.” (Again, tough for our hearts but so, so true!) “So I had to raise them to be stand-up young people on their own, especially as the daughters of a former president,” she added.

Michelle was also cognizant of trying not to encourage her kids to be just like her. “I never felt my job was to create mini-mes or create people who were gonna live out some brokenness in me or fill some hole or to be my friend,” Michelle said. She explained that not trying to be her daughters’ friend made parenting them “very easy.”

“I don’t care if you like me,” she continued. “I just want you to respect yourself and know what works. We don’t have to be friends.” Despite this, having those boundaries means her and her daughters are “such good friends.”

Another rule she has for her kids? She doesn’t want them entering politics. In an interview with President Joe Biden and Jimmy Kimmel, Barack was asked if he thought his daughters would go into politics one day. “That is a question I do not need to answer, because Michelle drilled into them so early that you would be crazy to go into politics. It’ll never happen,” he said.

He lovingly added, “They’re powerful young women.” It’s no surprise! They have a powerful mom to look up to!

Before you go, check out Barack & Michelle Obama’s best parenting quotes .