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The Infatuation
Everywhere Messi Eats In Miami, Ranked
By Ryan PfefferMariana Trabanino,
1 day ago
Messi has an average winning percentage rate of around 70%. That’s really high. But the Argentine soccer star doesn’t have the same success when it comes to picking out restaurants. Leo (we’re on a first-name basis) has had some food wins in his short time as a Miamian, hunting for milanesa and red meat at a few places we strongly endorse. But he also has a thing for overhyped clubstaurants. So we set out to analyze Messi by the only metric we're qualified to discuss: food. We visited all the places he's eaten in Miami and ranked them from best to as unpleasant as a Neymar tantrum.
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No rating: This is a restaurant we want to re-visit before rating, or it’s a coffee shop, bar, or dessert shop. We only rate spots where you can eat a full meal.
Messi ate here with some teammates to celebrate Miami’s Leagues Cup trophy. And if a man with highly insured feet took us to Cote every time we scored a goal, we’d probably become the leading scorer in the MLS. Cote is one of our favorite special occasion spots in town. Their beef is stellar and makes up the majority of the meal at this Korean steakhouse. We can see a red meat-loving Argentine being very happy here. Good pick, Messi.
The internet roasted Messi when he posted a picture of his takeout pizza from Banchero, but those people clearly do not know the joy of Argentinian pizza, which is a gift to the world, or at least the parts of the world that love cheese. Banchero is actually a famous spot back in Buenos Aires, and their North Beach location serves massive milanesa and gloriously thick fugazzas. This may be the worst thing you could possibly eat before sprinting for 90-ish minutes. But it’s an excellent option afterward. Messi used his unfathomable influence for good on this one. The last time we were here, shortly after Messi posted about it, there was a person in the dining room with a big calf tattoo of Messi’s face.
Even fútbol gods just want chicken parm sometimes. No idea if that’s what Messi ordered here, but it’s what we usually get at this North Beach classic serving easy-to-love Italian dishes. Prima Pasta is one of those old-school restaurants where portraits of famous people cover the walls, everything is made of wood, and the martinis arrive sloshing over the rim. Messi’s visit was one of his first major dining outings when he arrived to play for Inter Miami, and it gave us hope in his ability to pick restaurants. He even signed a few autographs for fans outside after dinner, even though we’re certain he was holding in cheese farts.
Another early Messi-in-Miami sighting was when the World Cup champion was spotted in a Publix, although apparently it was a Broward Publix, not a Miami one. Still, seeing Messi in a Publix (in flip-flops, no less) suddenly made his South Florida arrival feel real. We all collectively imagined him chowing down on a chicken tender sub while sitting on the edge of a pool, feet dangling in the warm water. Messi, the Florida man. One of us.
We knew this day would come. Messi at Carbone just makes sense. It’s a restaurant that exists for VIPs and we’re sure they treated him like the star he is. Messi famously loves milanesa, so we’re guessing he enjoyed the veal parm. If Messi has a sweet tooth, he also probably got a little giddy when they brought out the dessert tray. Still, we wouldn’t send him here if he asked us where to find the best Italian food in Miami. And our hearts go out to any mortals who may have gotten bumped to accommodate Messi’s party and had to wait an extra 45 minutes for their table.
Messi has been to Café Ragazzi twice. The first time, according to our waiter, was when he was a young whippersnapper with fewer tattoos and longer hair. The second time was after beating Brazil in the 2021 Copa America final when he had a celebratory dinner at this restaurant whose temperature is optimal for napping. Maybe, like us, he was just charmed by the complimentary bruschetta and sasquatch-sized pasta portions. Or maybe he’s familiar with the owner, renowned Argentine-Venezuelan singer Ricardo Montaner. Most likely it’s the latter. Because the over-sauced pasta here isn’t as entertaining as the collection of Latin American music memorabilia along its walls.
It’s hard to believe that one of the most prolific soccer players in the world decided to have dinner at the Aventura Mall. But there is photographic evidence that Messi went to the Amalfi Llama at least once. We hope that he ordered the “Milamessi”—a beef milanesa topped with tomato sauce and brie that comes with a side of crispy oregano and parmesan fries. It’s a solid milanesa held together by a generous lemon squeeze and gooey brie (and the only thing on the menu that we kind of liked). Allegedly, it’s an original recipe from Messi’s mother. So maybe if you eat enough of these, you too can become a soccer star. But you'll also need Messi money to become a regular at this overpriced spot.
We're getting to the part of the guide where Messi is starting to make some very questionable decisions. He's been to this underwhelming Brickell sushi and steak clubstaurant a few times. Once, there was allegedly a fight inside between security and some guy who was trying to take a photo of him. We weren't there, but can you imagine if Messi snapped an ACL during a brawl at Gekko? This is a sign that Messi should stay away from Gekko in the future. We get that it's co-owned by Bad Bunny, and that would be a pretty iconic friendship, but Messi is too important to be risking life and limb for a $105 skirt steak in a restaurant that looks like a bad lower back tattoo.
Oh no, Messi. No. No, no. We’re going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume this dinner at an uncomfortably sexual seafood clubstaurant was Sergio Busquets’ idea. Shame on you, Sergio. This place makes bad sushi and has a life-size figure of Daniel Craig as James Bond standing at a urinal, for some reason. Messi deserves better.
Messi is lucky the country of Argentina, famously known for its beef, didn’t airdrop a special extraction team to remove him from this steakhouse the second he stepped foot inside. This South of Fifth restaurant is a slap in the face to steaks everywhere. They charge people $1,000 to watch the staff abuse a piece of wagyu for 100 seconds. We've eaten chimichurri here that we’re pretty sure was made with tap water. Please stay away from Papi Steak, Messi. If anyone sees him, give him our steakhouse guide.
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